


Maybe, Someday

by Heyrrra



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: 1970s, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I AM SAD FOR THIS SHIP, Joseon Dynasty, Korean War, Multiple Timelines, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Burn, might change the title in the future cuz i suck at that, multiple Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-28 09:42:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyrrra/pseuds/Heyrrra
Summary: Lisa and Chaeyoung were soulmates, destined to cross paths with each other at some point in their lives.But what if fate had other plans?Missed chances, happy endings, and stupid choices. Would they end up together, or wait another lifetime to try again?





	1. Down by the Little Flower Shop

_ “Breathlessly, I find myself playing with sunshine Chae.  _

_ Chasing, what I know can never be mine.  _

_ Drawn inexplicably towards the warmth of your smile.  _

_ I’ll find you again soon.  _

_ If not now, then in another lifetime. _

_ I promise. “ _

Summer, 1971

The hot breeze that blew along the dirt road swept up fallen leaves making them swirl in the air, covering her car windows with a layer of dust. Park Chaeyoung sat there mesmerized by the way the leaves danced, making her hum a quiet little melody before starting the ignition and driving off towards her flower shop. These past couple of weeks were tough, the letter her mother sent her was more than enough to wipe away the smile off her face. Shaking her head to push away the negative thoughts, she only hoped time would make her family understand.  _ This summer would be different _ , she knew it, felt it, wished for it. 

Her little rundown flower shop was nestled in the middle of the town, blending in with the usual coffee shops and bookstores that littered her corner of the street. It was old, true, but she loved it. She fell in love with it the moment she set foot in this town, smiling at the memory when she saw the “for sale” sign plastered on it’s windows and at how good it felt as she stepped inside, just moments after she bought it off from the elderly couple who owned it before. Chaeyoung can still remember the first bouquet she sold to a nervous young man wanting to impress his lover, and the silent tears that broke through when a crying mother requested a funeral wreath for her baby boy who was taken from her far too soon. Chaeyoung treasured it all, kept everything that happened in her shop close to her heart. The ups and downs and everything that came in between. She knew there was a flower for everything - birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, even for emotions people struggled to communicate. There will always be a flower for every unspoken word people were too scared to voice out, and she wanted to help people tell their stories. One flower at a time. 

Chaeyoung’s trail of thought was interrupted by the ringing of the little bell on her shop door, making her look up. 

She immediately knew she wasn’t from here. It was a small town, and a face like hers would’ve stood out to Chaeyoung, she knew … because she was beautiful. Her doe-like eyes swept through the shop. Shy, darting eyes hiding behind bangs that framed her face. 

“May I help you?” Chaeyoung couldn’t help but smile at how she jumped, as if caught doing something she shouldn’t 

“Uhm… I was, uh… hoping you could help me pick out flowers for someone.” She sounded so small. 

Chaeyoung gave her a big smile as she approached her from the counter. She noted how the other girl kept looking away, as if trying her best not to meet her eyes. She had her arms behind her back, her yellow dress making her brown hair glisten against the sunlight that spilled from her shop window. 

“Can you tell me more about who it’s for?”

“Of course!” Her sudden change in demeanor made Chaeyoung chuckle. She found herself enjoying the subtle way her eyes lit up. “It’s for someone I’d like to see smile… I’ve noticed they’ve been sad for days now and I really want to cheer them up.”

“Hmm, a lover?” Chaeyoung winked

“Oh! No…it’s nothing like that” she tried to laugh off the blush that crept up on her cheeks. “I honestly don’t know them personally. I uh… walk by them everyday and they have  _ the  _ warmest smile I’ve seen in my life. Lately I haven’t seen them smile and I uh, just wanted to see it again y’know?” The shyness was back. “Well technically, they’ve been smiling, but it doesn’t reach their eyes so…”

Chaeyoung laughed, trying to break the awkwardness that hung in the air around them. “Don’t worry. I know just the thing.” 

* * *

She offered the girl a seat by the counter as she paced around her shop, picking off flowers and bringing them over to the countertop. 

“Would you like to get these in a bouquet or…”

“I’d like them in a vase, if it’s possible?” She answered softly. 

Chaeyoung nodded, as she went to fish for a small blue vase and began arranging the flowers. She could feel the other girl studying her intently. 

“What do those mean?” pointing to a cluster of pink roses. Her voice barely above a whisper, afraid anything louder would scare Chaeyoung off. 

“Happiness. They could also be used to symbolize admiration for someone.” Chaeyoung whispered back.

“And these?” 

“Oh, pink alstroemeria’s mean friendship.” Chaeyoung picked up peach asiatic lilies and arranged them to compliment the pink roses and lemon leaf “These, symbolizes innocence.” 

“Do you go through all of this with careful thought?”

Chaeyoung stopped, a bit taken aback by the question. 

“Sorry, I meant… I just find it lovely how people come in here and tell you what they want to express and you create this beautiful arrangement so full of meaning.” She smiled at her, making Chaeyoung blush. 

“I uh...it’s just…” Chaeyoung hated it when she was flustered. Flustered meant stuttering, and stuttering meant embarrassment, and embarrassing herself made her as red as a tomato and not to mention awkward hand movements as she tried to hide most of her face behind them. 

“You don’t have to answer that. Watching you work, just made me realize how much you like this.” She gestured to the shop, giving Chaeyoung a huge grin. “I love how you put into flowers what I wanted to tell this person…”

Her words had a certain effect on Chaeyoung, she was used to receiving compliments about her work, but this was different. She could feel her cheeks warming up, and her heart doing weird flips and flutters sending a curious feeling down the pit of her stomach. 

“I’m Lisa by the way…” 

“I’m Chaeyoung.” She tried to focus on fixing the carnations, arranging and rearranging them until she was satisfied. Trying her best to pay attention to the flowers and not at the pretty woman sitting just a few inches away from her. 

They kept silent for a while, Lisa occasionally fidgeting in her seat and Chaeyoung frowning over the smallest of details on the arrangement. When Chaeyoung arranged flowers, it always felt like she was entering a whole new world, somewhere sacred she gets lost into. She’s thankful for it though, there were days where it was slow in the shop and getting lost into her work was just the right distraction she needed to kill time. And there were times like these where she wished time would slow down more. 

“Chaeyoung?”

“Hmm?” 

“I… it’s … forget about it. It’s nothing.” Lisa was frowning and biting the inside of her cheeks as she looked away, eyes focused on the ticking clock on the wall. 

“I’m sorry, what?” chaeyoung looked up in time to catch Lisa glaring at the clock behind her. "Am I taking too long? God, I'm so sorry! I get lost in this sometimes I lose track of time…” Chaeyoung scrambled in her seat, picking away at random flowers to fill in the empty spots in the arrangement.

Lisa reached out suddenly, holding onto her hands to keep them still. She felt an invisible current run through the moment their hands touched, making her breath hitch. 

_ Did she feel that too?  _

Chaeyoung looked at Lisa’s hands on her own and at Lisa’s face. Back and forth, back and forth until she felt too lightheaded. 

“Hey… hey… it’s fine, I’m not in a hurry anyways. I just had a weird thought and wanted to know what you think about it and I guess going over it through my mind made me realize how dumb it was so I had to stop myself from embarrassing my awkward ass in front of a very beautiful woman.”

Chaeyoung swore she’d get whiplash from how fast she looked away from Lisa’s gaze. 

_ Wait… did she hear that right? Beautiful? _

Lisa’s chuckle broke through her thoughts. 

“I’m sorry if that made you think i was in a hurry…I admit, you looked really determined and focused on that though.”

Chaeyoung nodded, still fully aware of how Lisa’s hands felt so soft and how they seemed to fit hers perfectly. 

“But… if you really wanna know… I, uh…. Wanted to know your thoughts on something.” Lisa’s confident tone was replaced with a shaky voice she masked with a soft laugh. “It’s kind of stupid but it crossed my mind and you seemed to be the type of person to really think things through and I really, honestly just want to know what you had in mind.” 

Chaeyoung nodded, prompting her to continue. 

Lisa let go of her hands, placing them back on her lap as she twirled her thumbs. Chaeyoung felt weird at how annoyed she was at the sudden lack of physical contact.

“Have you ever met someone for the first time and thought about how for some reason you felt like you’ve met them before?” Lisa was frowning, her full attention on the blue vase.

Chaeyoung wasn’t sure how long it was before she found her voice again.

“No… no I haven’t…”

“Sorry, see? Just some useless rambling in my head.” Lisa let out a sigh, looking defeated

“I haven’t had the opportunity to have felt that yet, and I don’t think it’s anywhere near dumb for you to have thought about it either. If you ask me if I believe in that sort of stuff then yes. I think the word you’re looking for is soulmate…” Chaeyoung gave her a smile and went back to placing the finishing touches on the flowers before adding “And I’m jealous as hell of people who found their soulmates amidst the billions of people in this world.” 

“You are huh?” Lisa was smiling now, tilting her head to the side. A playful look of amusement in her eyes. 

“Damn right I am.” 

“I didn’t peg you as someone who could curse.” She was raising an eyebrow in jest.

“Did people ever tell you it’s rude to assume and besides... first impressions aren’t always right” Chaeyoung laughed. 

“No and… I think first impressions last regardless if they were wrong or right to begin with.” 

“Okay, well I never pegged you to be the type to go philosophical on people.”

“Touche” 

Lisa was beaming, Chaeyoung had to admit she looked even more beautiful when she did. 

“Anyways, we’re all set here.” Chaeyoung gathered the scattered leaves, petals and nipped stems in one swoop onto the floor, taking a mental note to sweep them later on. 

“Do you do deliveries?”

“Yes I do.”

Lisa took out a pen and paper from the little sling bag she had with her and scribbled something. Chaeyoung resisted the urge to crane her neck and check out her handwriting. 

“Here, can you do it around after lunch?” 

“Sure…” Chaeyoung glanced at the clock and saw she has about twenty minutes before lunchtime before doing the delivery. She took the folded paper, opening it to check on the address. 

“Wait!, can you open it around that time too?” Lisa grabbed a hold of her right wrist, sending delicious shockwaves down Chaeyoung’s spine. 

“Okay? I don’t understand why I’d have to wait until then” 

“I know it’s a weird request, its just… uh … it’s important that you open it around that time -- by then Im no longer here and it wouldn’t be as awkward for me. Please?” 

She found it weird but she nodded in agreement anyway. Lisa looked like a deer caught in the headlights and she was a customer first and customer requests were always a priority for her. She’d just have to find a way to distract herself until then. 

“Fine, I promise…” giving Lisa one of her warmest smiles. 

“Great! Here, and thank you again!” handing her far more than she should. It took Chaeyoung by surprise and before she could call out to Lisa, she was already out of the shop, jogging away.

Chaeyoung let out a suppressed chuckle bubbling inside the moment Lisa got flustered about her weird request. She glanced back at the clock. 

_ Great… Just 16 minutes more…. _

* * *

Chaeyoung didn’t know what to feel. Happiness? Annoyance? …Excitement? 

She half laughed half cried.

Holding onto the wrinkled paper in her hand as she fought another wave of giggles, burying her face in her palm trying to ward off the creeping warmth. If she could see herself now, she’d bet her flower shop she was red, redder than red if such a thing was possible. 

_ Dear Chaeyoung,  _

_ The look of happiness on your face when you worked on this arrangement was priceless. I missed seeing you smile. _

_ P.S. _

_ Hope I’d get the courage to talk to you again soon.  _

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Lisa :) _

Chaeyoung hiccuped, she lost count of the number of times she read and reread the note. Admiring the cute way she wrote her e’s and the sloppy way she looped her l’s. If she was being honest to herself she knew she’d been thinking about a lot these past few weeks, really hoping she’d take the easy way of forgetting things back home. She was grateful for what Lisa did, smiling at the thought of seeing the woman again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A soulmate AU wherein they find each other over and over again in each lifetime, but do they end up together? 
> 
> (I am a sad smol bean for this ship -- they exude soulmate vibes. And I love ANGST)
> 
> Please let me know what you think.  
Word of warning I suck at fanfic writing, so apologies in advance!  
Have a great day ahead!


	2. Have We Met Before?

_ “Maybe's and If only's Lisa... _

_ It's always like that with us but I think there's beauty in uncertainty, don’t you think? _

_ So why don't we just enjoy today, and let fate worry about tomorrow.“ _

* * *

Summer 1971

Lisa loved photography, loved how something so simple could capture something so profound. 

She smiled as she snapped another picture. 

Brown hair, plump cheeks, and sunshine. She adjusts the shutter and  _ snap!  _ The woman in the red dress was laughing at something the young couple was telling her, as she gracefully swept through the shop, picking up random flowers here and there and tucking in stray hair behind her ear.

Lisa stood there across the street, camera in hand.

It was always like that ever since she came to this town to visit her grandmother. Cycling through the streets one morning, and seeing her for the first time. The thought made her chuckle, Lisa remembered how her eyes turned to crescent moons as she handed out a single red rose to a little boy, smiling. She remembered how her heart jumped, sending little supernovas down the pit of her stomach and that weird feeling of familiarity. 

There was something about the woman that drew Lisa to her, making her stay up late at night wondering how she could feel too much for someone she doesn’t know, haven’t spoken a single word to? Like a sunflower to the sun. Lisa closed her eyes and knew, she was just as confused but knew, was sure they’ve met before, but where? She has never left her home country until now, so why was there an invisible force pulling at her, screaming at her? 

She stood there, like every other morning since she came. Trying her best to capture every nuance and the little things that made the woman seem so special. She walks by around nine, just an hour after the shops opening time. Content at knowing the woman in that little flower shop was happy and fine. Sometimes she gets bold enough to stop by in front of the shop, willing herself to go inside and introduce herself but she doesn’t. 

_ Tomorrow,  _ she whispers to herself.  _ I’ll talk to her tomorrow… _

But she never does… Lisa stands there frozen, as everything around her stops and the only thing that mattered in that moment was her  _ smile.  _

This day was  _ different  _ though, Lisa could sense there was something wrong, making her frown. The woman looked sad, her smile never quite reaching her eyes. 

_ Maybe she just woke up at the wrong side of the bed… _

She went out for morning coffee and bread, passing by she saw the same look on her delicate face, eyes looking outside her shop windows but Lisa knew she wasn’t really seeing anything. It was like that everyday for two weeks and it made Lisa toss and turn in her bed, wondering what might have happened.

* * *

She never really thought much about it, and maybe that was a good thing because for once in the whole month she’d been there she found herself standing awkwardly inside the flower shop. Looking at anywhere and at anything but  _ her.  _

“May I help you?” Lisa jumped, more out of surprise at how gentle her voice was. She could feel her heart thud and beat like crazy. If she looked beautiful from a dust fogged flower shop window, she looked ethereal up close and it made Lisa’s heart quiver in the weirdest of ways. Heartstrings being pulled into the little blackhole the women's brown eyes were drowning her in, making her look away. 

“Uhm… I was, uh… hoping you could help me pick out flowers for someone.” she half whispered, trying her best to prevent her voice from shaking. 

She knew it took her a while to answer back because the woman moved from her place at the back of the counter to greet her. She can’t help but play with the little ribbon at the back of her dress to hide her shaking hands. Lisa hated how awkward she was getting, since she always thought of herself as headstrong and confident. 

“Can you tell me more about who it’s for?” 

She wanted to laugh, laugh at how she found herself in such a position where she was ordering flowers from the same person she’d love to give them too. She gave her the most heartfelt reason she had. Speaking the truth felt wonderful, Lisa knew she’d probably look for ways to give her the star, and the moon if that made her smile the way she used to. She could feel her face warming up at how she thought it was for Lisa’s lover.

* * *

Lisa sat opposite her. She tried her best not to stare at her for too long as she went through the shop picking up flowers in different hues of pink and peach. Resting her face on the palm of her hand she tried to focus on the flowers instead.

Lisa scrunched her nose as she studied her as she worked. She found it adorable how she furrowed her brow at the slightest misplacement of flowers in her arrangement. Lisa wasn’t sure if she was aware of how she kept on biting her lower lip whenever she looked for the perfect spot to place a flower, how she could see a glint of happiness in her eyes whenever she took a step back to admire her handiwork. Lisa wished she had her camera with her. Wished she could capture how in love the woman was with her work, and how beautiful she looked as she tried to explain to Lisa what the flowers symbolized. It made Lisa ask her about the flowers more, she wanted very much to keep on hearing her sweet voice and keep that look of unguarded happiness on her face. 

“Sorry, I meant… I just find it lovely how people come in here and tell you what they want to express and you create this beautiful arrangement so full of meaning.” Lisa blurted out smiling at how she blushed as she tried to cover half of her face. 

“You don’t have to answer that. Watching you work, just made me realize how much you like this.” Lisa gestured to the shop, giving her a huge grin. “I love how you put into flowers what I wanted to tell this person…” 

_ Chaeyoung… _ . Her name was  _ Chaeyoung… _

Lisa loved hearing her name roll of her lips. 

_ Was it possible? Falling in love with someone who you’ve just met but felt like you’ve known your whole life?  _

“Chaeyoung?” Lisa surprised herself at the spontaneity 

“Hmm” She had hoped Chaeyoung was too engrossed in her work, and that she’d let the slip up slide. 

“I… “  _ you what? Wanted to know if she felt the same? “ _ it’s … forget about it. It’s nothing.” Lisa wanted to kick herself. How could she be stupid enough to even entertain the idea of asking Chaeyoung when she was nothing more than a random customer, a stranger to her? She frowned and bit the inside of her cheeks as she looked away to focus on the ticking wall behind Chaeyoung, trying her best to stop herself from making a fool out of herself.

She regretted it the moment she saw how embarrassed Chaeyoung was at the thought she was in a hurry. 

_ God! If she only knew how much she wanted time to stop….  _

She reached out to stop the other woman from freaking out. She tried to put off the shock as she felt a tingling sensation ran through her, warming her heart and stirring the ever constant butterflies in her stomach as soon as their hands touched. 

Lisa rambled on, whacking her flustered brain to think of anything -- anything else other from the real question she wanted the answers to. She let go of Chaeyoung’s hands afraid of the intensity and hold it had over her senses. 

“Have you ever met someone for the first time and thought about how for some reason you felt like you’ve met them before?” Lisa wasn’t lying, she just merely left out parts of the question, the really important ones. Chaeyoung’s answer was amusing, if Lisa was very honest to herself she’d say everything about her was amusing 

“Anyways, we’re all set here.” 

Lisa had to hide her disappointment. She took out a pen and paper to scribble out a note. Praying to whoever was listening that Chaeyoug would like it, because she wouldn’t know what to do if it didn’t work out the way she had hoped for. 

_ Dear Chaeyoung,  _

_ The look of happiness on your face when you worked on this arrangement was priceless. I missed seeing you smile. _

_ P.S. _

_ Hope I’d get the courage to talk to you again soon.  _

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Lisa :) _

She looked over it again, trying to make sure it sounded just about right. 

She handed Chaeyoung the note and ensured she didn’t open it until she was long gone from the shop. Handing her payment and dashing off the moment she saw Chaeyoung frown at how much she paid. Chuckling and jogging away… laughing breathlessly as she took off in a run the moment she felt Chaeyoung’s gaze on her from the window. 

Lisa slept soundly that night, a constant smile on her lips. 

* * *

Lisa went for an early morning bicycle ride throughout the town to grab her grandmother’s prescription from the pharmacy. It was fifteen minutes to nine, when she found herself going towards the direction of the flower shop, stopping around the corner of the street. It gave her just the right spot to check on Chaeyoung while keeping herself hidden behind an oak tree. 

Lisa took out her camera, working on the shutter before looking through the viewfinder. 

Her breath hitched, she never knew seeing the flowers on the shops counter could elicit such an intense reaction from her. 

“Taking a picture to make it last longer?” 

Lisa shrieked in surprise, almost dropping her camera.

_ She knew that voice…. _

Lisa found herself looking back into the same brown eyes she kept getting lost into. 

“Don’t ever do that again, you’ll give me a heart attack”

_ Breathtaking…  _

Lisa found herself laughing. It didn’t seem like a Chaeyoung thing for her to smirk.

“What?” She liked how the sunlight made her hair glow, amusement in her eyes.

“Nothing… it’s just, you smirking… it’s -- “

Lisa would give her life up if it meant she’d be able to hear that laugh forever. Chaeyoung looked  _ happy,  _ everything she wanted her to be. It felt nice, felt right. 

“There you are again with your assumptions and impressions. Why don’t you just come inside and say hi to me instead of hiding behind oak trees and secretly taking pictures?” 

“I -- good point.” Lisa smiled shyly.  _ Great… this will be awkward.  _

“Tell you what, let me buy you lunch.” Chaeyoung held out a finger, signaling to let her finish. “As a thank you for the lovely gift you gave me yesterday. It’s just the thing I needed by the way.” 

Lisa was about to shake her head no, just thinking about how much of a bumbling fool she’ll make out of herself in front of Chaeyoung was more than enough to convince her not to go even if she wanted to very much. 

“Don’t give me that look.” Chaeyoung pouted, sticking out her bottom lip “I won’t take no for an answer.”

Lisa had to look away, trying to brush off the butterflies who found their way to her heart. 

_ What great timing.  _

Chaeyoung took her hand and led towards the direction of her flower shop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English isn't my first language, so if I made any errors - please let me know. 
> 
> Have a great day ahead! :)


	3. It Will Always Be You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, we're having a slight shift in timelines -- it'll be like this all through out the story. Showing a bit of Chaelisa from each timeline. I'll try my best for each of the chapter to flow smoothly towards the next since most of their decisions might affect the other timelines. Hope you guys enjoy and have a great day ahead!

_ As she woke up; eyes puffy and laden with sleep, hair disheveled and smile askew, she asked "How do I look?" _

_ Lisa told her the truth; "Beautiful" she whispered softly, "you look beautiful" _

_ “Stop lying!” her laughter cut through the sadness pooling in her heart. _

_ “I can never lie to you,” _

Autumn 2017

It was raining heavily and water sloshed under her feet as she ran along the sidewalk. Clutching her already drenched jacket close to her shivering body, the rain felt like icy shards against her hot skin and her breath came out in white plumes. Work was becoming unbearable and she needed to escape the stress that was creeping up. Her boss was becoming very hard to work with and if she spent another hour there, she’d probably lose her sanity. Lisa grunted from the thought of it. Aside from the rain she’s braving, she’d have to think of a pretty good excuse to give her boss tomorrow. She could already hear the hour long work ethic preaching she’s bound to have when she comes in, if he found out she suddenly disappeared from the office. Her shoes were beginning to get soaked with water and her clothes hung heavily making every step she took quite difficult. She was definitely not expecting a downpour of bad luck today and instantly regretted the decision to bail out of work early. Her whole body shivered as another gust of wind pulled Lisa from her thoughts.

The street was bare and quiet. Normally, it would have been filled with people wanting to grab a bite for lunch, or with people going to and fro work. _ Well _ , she thought _ it’s not like they were foolish enough like her to try and venture out into this frenzy, they probably have better things to do _. Aside from the pattering of raindrops on the roofs and pavement, the only sounds she could distinguish were her sloppy steps along the puddles, as she ran to find the nearest place she could escape this horrible weather from, and she had to do it fast. She was about to round a corner when a flash of white passed by her peripheral vision in a blur. Distracted, she collided hard with the person walking towards the opposite direction, and fell with a big splash.

“Great! What else has this day got in store for me?” Lisa mumbled under her breath, struggling to get up.

“I’m sorry, I should have been more careful.” a delicate voice answered back, prompting her to look up at the person she bumped into, or rather the person who bumped into her? She was getting confused and annoyed at the fact her day was getting more and more unlucky and it was throwing her off kilter. 

“No, it’s fine. I guess it was my fault for not paying attention --” Lisa answered back meekly, taking the hand the stranger was offering and got up. Now her backside was dripping wet.

“I was in a hurry and I --” Lisa stopped for a moment, suddenly forgetting how to breathe as she found herself looking into such vivid brown eyes, golden flecks still visible despite the gloom -- it reminded her of the long walks by the forest, she used to take back home. Smiling shyly, the stranger extended her umbrella pulling Lisa close to shield her from the rain. Lisa could see the delicate way her eyelashes curved, her pink plump cheeks red from the cold and her red hair tied in a loose ponytail, loose locks framing her face. Suddenly aware she was looking into some stranger’s eyes so closely, she pulled her hand away and cleared her throat. “I … have to go somewhere soon, sorry for bumping into you as well. I have to go.”She answered back hurriedly. She did not wait for a response nor tried to look back, and went off in a jog towards her favorite cafe on the block, hoping that it was open. 

_ I can’t wait to see what happens, _she thought. 

* * *

Maeng’s Cafe was located at the very end of the block, luckily she could already see the _ open _sign from afar. It was one of the oldest running cafes on this street and that’s why she liked it so much. It was one of those small cafes that serves breakfast all day and the people who frequented it were locals. She knew almost everyone that ate there -- the familiarity the cafe provides made her very much at home every time she ate there. She pushed the cafe doors open, and the bell attached to it that signaled someone had arrived, gave off a faint ring. It was quiet inside and the usual lunch crowd wasn’t there. 

“Are you going to stand there forever dripping on my floor or are you going to order something for lunch?” She could hear the humor in Maeng’s voice as she appeared from the kitchen doors, wiping her hands on her apron, hair held securely in a hair net. “If it’s the former, I would have to kick you out.” Maeng ran and owned the cafe, she was the sweetest woman she’s known so far and she makes the best apple pie in the city. The cafe was built by her grandfather and she was fondly named after it. 

“Give me my usual apple pie and a cup of strong coffee.” Lisa smiled back.

“Nope, not until we dry you off honey.” She disappeared into the double doors again, leaving Lisa dripping by the entrance. 

She took her usual seat at a stool near the counter and took off her wet jacket that was plastered to her body and dropped them in a heap on top of her bag. She combed through her wet blonde hair and sighed. She could tell she’ll be sick -- if not tomorrow then it was surely within the week. 

“Here you go honey, use this to dry off while I prepare your lunch.” Maeng had emerged from the kitchen door and tossed her a dry towel. 

“Thanks Maeng.”

“Don’t cha worry honey, I take care of my favorite customers.” she winked, disappearing yet again into the kitchen. Lisa smiled to herself and began the tedious job of drying herself and her hair. 

* * *

The rain had died down to a drizzle, but Lisa could still see it looked ominous outside through the windows. Maeng had delivered her apple pie and had gone to take down orders from a couple who came in looking to spend the afternoon away at a far off booth to themselves. She was using the cup of coffee she ordered to bring back some heat to her cold hands and for a moment finally felt at peace. She was staring blankly at the steam coming from the coffee as her thoughts drifted off to the stranger she bumped into on the way here. She couldn’t shake off the funny feeling she had in the pit of her stomach, there was something about her that felt familiar? But aside from that she kept on thinking about how captivating her eyes were and how something about them felt off. Thinking about it with a much clearer head now, made her notice things. The stranger had been smiling at her when she helped her up but she could see the sadness in them. She clearly remembered how they changed from the color of the forest during springtime to a brown as dark as coffee. The sadness she saw in them seemed so deep that she feared looking into them longer than she did, that she’d find herself drowning in the same sadness. A faint ring from the bell attached to the door stole her attention and she turned around just in time to see three burly looking men take the seats by the window. Maeng took their orders and went to prepare them back in the kitchen. 

She went back to eating her apple pie when her phone rang making her jump in her seat. She was not expecting anyone to call at the moment. She snatched her bag and fished for her phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Lisa! Where the hell are you?”She could hear the obvious frantic chatter in the background. 

_ Oh God! _ She totally forgot about work and here she thought she’d be able to leave it for the day without being noticed. _ Some genius she was. _

“Mingyu is looking for you, I don’t know what to tell him nor do I know how long I could hold him off from firing your ass.” Lisa could hear the obvious frustration in Jisoo’s voice. “I need you to come back here as soon as you can.” 

“I can’t Chichu, I’m not feeling too well and you know Mingyu will kill me if he sees me there now.” she reasoned out, blurting out the first excuse she could think of. Her boss was probably yelling at everyone right now.

“You don’t get to bail out on me like this, He’s been breathing down my neck since lunch and I don’t know what to do. I went out to get coffee and when I came back I find your station empty? You should have left a note!” Lisa knew calling her by her nickname would only make things worse

“Come on, can you please cover for me today? I swear I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. I’ll treat you to a months worth of chicken at that diner you love so much.” Lisa pleaded. There was silence on the other line and she could feel Jisoo hesitating a bit. “I’ll throw in your favorite drink as well, just please?” 

“Fine, but you better have a foolproof excuse or else you’re dead meat. He’s in his murderous state right now.” Jisoo answered back 

“Yes, thank you, thank you!” 

“You owe me big time Lalisa, and I mean it. Don’t come back here tomorrow looking like a kicked puppy, I swear to God I’ll --” 

“Chichu chill… look it’s not my fault Jennie’s in a bad mood okay? Y’know how she gets when she’s on her period. She’ll talk to you eventua --”

“Just shut up and get your lazy ass back here tomorrow.” Lisa smiled as she heard the line went dead. “Well goodbye to you too.” Lisa knew Jisoo only goes off at her when Jennie wasn’t paying her any attention. She has had a huge crush on one of their colleagues, and Lisa would bet a year’s worth of her pay that Jennie liked her back. They were just too oblivious or stupid not to see the sexual tension. 

Lisa left just enough money to pay for her lunch and a generous tip on the counter and went off to go back to the comfort of her home. 

* * *

“Lisa.” 

“Hmm…”

“We’ve been talking to you for like ages now and you haven’t said a word back. What’s wrong? You look so … I don’t know frustrated?. Did Mingyu suspend you or something?” Jennie was looking at her with a raised brow.

“Yeah, what gives? You’ve been silent the whole time, you haven't even filled us in on what happened back there.” Jisoo put down her fork, sharing the same look as Jennie.

“Am I hearing this right? You’re both actually worried about me?” Lisa smirked, it was such a rare occurrence for them to go all serious. They usually enjoyed teasing her during lunch, their own little way of showing how much they cared for the youngest. 

“Ppoong! Be serious for once Lalisa.” Jisoo punched her on the shoulder lightly giving her a glare. 

“I am…” 

“Am what?” It was Jennie's turn to roll her eyes. 

“Fine and serious Jen. Don’t worry Mingyu let me off the hook easily. Told him I had an upset stomach, he seemed to be in a good mood today anyways.” 

“Then why do you look like someone stuck pineapple up your ass?

“Language Jisoo, geez you’re so crass these past few days. it’s Leo. I think he’s sick, he’s not eating as much and he’s new favorite place is the litter box.” Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose to fight off a headache, 

“Maybe he’s on a diet or something.” Lisa saw Jennie not so subtly elbow Jisoo.

“Sorry I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine, I’d be more surprised if you said something nice for once.” Lisa gave her a huge ass grin. 

“Look I know just the place. I take Kuma there all the time, they’re very efficient.” 

Jennie took a piece of table napkin and scribbled off something, handing it to her with a smile. 

“Take Leo there, they’re the best in the city. They’re down the corner of Fifth Ave.” 

Lisa took the napkin. 

_ Park and Park Animal Clinic _

She let out a deep breath, 

“Thanks”

Jisoo and Jennie smiled at her and went back to eating, giving each other heart eyes every now and then. Lisa shook her head and smiled back, genuinely thanking the gods for giving her such weird ass friends who loved her. 

* * *

She took her day off a day early, she wanted Leo to be checked out as soon as possible and taking advantage of Mingyu’s good mood. 

Lisa stood in front of the building, peeking through the glass windows, pet carrier in hand. The waiting room was packed with all sorts of people with cute dogs and cats, Lisa swore she saw a cute pig being led towards the back room. 

“Hi, welcome to Park and Park Animal Clinic.” The receptionist had a warm smile, trying to sneak a peek at Leo. 

Lisa thrived in crowds but sometimes she gets too overwhelmed her palms get too sweaty and she stutters. “I.. uh… my cat, he’s not eating too much and uh … Ithinkhehasdiarrheaorsomething.” she said the last part too fast.

“Okay, breathe… we’ll take good care of him, okay? Can you take him out? We’ll get some vital stats real quick and Dr. Park should see you soon after.” 

Lisa nodded and opened the carrier coaxing Leo out. 

“Hey there fella, come ere’.” 

Wendy, the name on the receptionist’s name tag took Leo out prepping to take his weight and length. He hissed at her, him being his usual jerky self as Wendy took note of things on her clipboard. 

“Is this your first time here? We just need to make sure his records are updated in case it’s not your first time here, you know medical history and stuff.” winking at Lisa. 

“Uh no. It’s our first time.”

“Okay” she smiled back and made additional notes. 

Lisa stood there not knowing what to do, as Wendy continued to take Leo’s vital signs. 

“Wendy!” 

Lisa’s breath hitched. Brown kind eyes hidden behind round rimmed glasses, warm smile on her delicate face. It was the stranger from two days ago! She was wearing green scrubs and her red hair was tied in the same loose ponytail, loose hair framing her face.

Lisa could feel the stirring in her chest, warming her cheeks and spreading all over her body as she stood there watching the same woman she bumped into two days ago walk towards the receptionist.

“Dr Park! Hi, do you need anything?” 

“I need you to call Irene and have her cover Chanyeol’s surgery this afternoon. My ass of a brother is out sick.” Her voice sounded like honey, making Lisa look away. “Oh, and have the next patient ready, I'm finished with Roku.” 

“Copy that doc.” 

She excused herself and went back to one of the rooms at the back.

“Would you follow me? We’ll have your baby looked into next.” Wendy gestured for Lisa to follow, leading her to the same door the redhead doctor went into.

“Dr Park, this is Leo and his owner. If you need me I’ll be down by the desk.” Wendy placed Leo on the metal table, leaving Lisa alone as she scurried off. 

“Hi.” 

Lisa tried her best to keep her voice from shaking “Hey.”

“I’m Doctor Roseanne Park,” she was smiling at her, sending a thousand butterflies into her chest making it hard for her to stop herself from stuttering. 

“Li..lisa Manoban.”

“And this cute fella’s name?” She was petting Leo gently on the head, making him nuzzle against her hand. _ He never does that. Not to her friends at least and never to strangers. _

“He never does that.” 

“Im sorry what?”

“I … uh…” _ great, real smooth Lisa, just great. _“I mean, Leo never does that to strangers. He’s kind of a jerk so uhmm…” Lisa looked at anything but her eyes. 

Her laughter flowed through her like water through a sieve, making her blush and her heart to do somersaults and flips. 

“I guess he likes me then?” her eyes crinkled into slits as she laughed, making her plump cheeks even plumper. “It says here he’s not eating much and that he has diarrhea. For how long has this been happening?” she scanned the notes Wendy gave her. 

“I’d say for about 2 and a half days now.”

“Hmmmm. We’ll have some tests done to check if this is a viral or bacterial infection. We’ll have him on IV overnight just to be sure.” She ruffled Leo’s fur, making him stretch and rub against her hand. Clearly craving for attention. 

“You’re a brave brave boy, Jihyo will take care of you and I’ll be back later to check up on you okay?”

Lisa found it adorable how gentle she was with Leo, and still in awe at how well behaved he was. Lisa had to admit she had this calming effect that was hypnotizing. 

“I’ll have him stay here overnight if that’s okay with you. We’ll ensure he’s well taken care of so you don’t have to worry. He’ll be back in tiptop shape in no time.” She scribbled something on the clipboard and paged for someone she called Jihyo to come pick up Leo for the tests. “Although a little word of caution, he’s too fat for his age so you should cut back on the food. I know how they use their cuteness to get the best of us, but you have to have the upperhand.” She looked back at Lisa, smiling.

“Like I said, he’s a jerk. He plays victim all the time and my friends spoil him too much” Lisa grinned

“Dr Park? You called?” Another pretty woman with shoulder length hair poked her head inside the room. 

“Ah Jihyo, can you run these for me, and have him on IV? I’ll come by later to look into the results.”

“Sure doc.” she was smiling, lifting a disgruntled Leo off the table into her arms. “Woah, easy there tiger.” chuckling as she took him away. 

“See? A complete fat jerk.” Lisa was laughing at the doctors expression, who had an eyebrow raised. 

“Huh, he seemed like an angel a while ago.” She was giving Lisa a playful smirk. 

Lisa was about to reply with what she hoped was a good retort when the doctor’s expression changed.

“Wait… have we met before? You look … familiar.” She was scrunching her nose deep in thought. “Wait that was you! The one I bumped into! Oh God! I’m so sorry, I can be quite a klutz sometimes! Are you okay? I haven’t had the time to check up on you since you took off and I was too shocked to call out and I’m --” She was beet red, as she flailed her hands to cover her beautiful face in embarrassment.

“Hey… hey…” Lisa instinctively reached out, holding her hands still. “It’s fine, I’m fine. You don’t have to feel so bad about it.” Lisa tried to ignore the current that ran through her fingers the moment their hands touched. 

“But.. you were soaking wet and the least I could do was to make sure you were fine, and I --”

She could see the doctor was on the verge of crying.

“Really, it’s nothing…” Lisa was unaware she was drawing little circles on the doctor’s hands using her thumbs, it had the desired effect she wanted as she Roseanne was slowly relaxing. “Tell you what, promise we you’ll take care of Leo and we’re good.”

She gave Lisa a warm smile, a weird expression Lisa couldn’t quite read on her eyes. “That’s my job you dummy.” She was chuckling now, making Lisa’s heart take flight. _ What the actual f*ck was happening to her? _“Tell you what, let me take you out for coffee? My treat, I’m off duty in 2 hours if you’re free today. We can meet up in Maeng’s cafe, if you don’t know the way I can have Wendy write down the directions and --” 

Lisa almost choked, _ did she say Maeng’s cafe? _

“I know the way, it’s my favorite actually.” Lisa said in a small voice.

“It is? What wonderful coincidence! Well then is it a yes?” Lisa had to laugh at her, her energy was contagious, her awkwardness forgotten in the moment. 

“Yes, fine I’ll go.” 

“Great I’ll see you then.” 

Roseanne had a huge goofy grin on her face as they both stared at each other. Lisa had to gulp to clear the tension in the air. 

“Sure, I’ll see you there.” Lisa had to look away, while the doctor opened the door to walk her out. 

“See you Lisa.”

Lisa loved how her name sounded so beautiful when she said it. 

“Thanks Dr Park.” She tried to smile the jitters away.

“Call me Rosie.” smiling as she waved for Wendy 

Lisa nodded and turned to leave the moment Wendy arrived with a puppy in her arms. Lisa decided it was the best time to leave since Rosie was already busy with checking the forms Wendy handed out. 

_ Was she just asked out on a date? _


	4. Velvet Skies and Bullets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think :)  
Have a great week ahead!

_ Peace comes at such a costly price, but love even more so. _

_ I'm sick of falling asleep every night, wondering if we’ll get the chance to wake up the next day. _

_ Promise me Lisa, when all of this is over... come back home with me? _

Winter 1950

Rosie could smell the stale metallic scent mixed with the all too familiar antiseptic in the air wafting from the makeshift medic tent. It’s been three weeks since they were drafted in from Australia to help with the brewing conflict between Communist Korea in the North and Capitalist Korea in the South. Weeks of sleepless nights and hectic days. She’d volunteered to help with the war effort because well, she needed to, that was what she’d been telling herself for days now. A small part of her didn’t want to in the beginning. Anyone in their right mind would’ve thought twice, it was basically signing yourself over to a death wish, but Rosie wasn’t in her right mind -- well... according to her sister Alice, she wasn’t. Their father did the exact same thing when the war broke out six months ago,and she followed soon after the moment he stopped sending letters...

She held onto the tarp door a minute longer than usual, bracing herself before going inside. The scent of old blood and sepsis made her step back a bit, closing her eyes to ward off the nausea creeping up. It was chaos inside. The tent was cramped with the wounded, the tent too small to accomodate soldiers brought in from the war front daily. Most of the patients with minor injuries were treated and sent off to their barracks to recover, and the ones with the worst cases were forced to stay until death took over. If she was being honest, she knew anyone forced inside the tent needed a miracle to come out of it alive. They were all short staffed and she was called over, since a new batch of soldiers were being brought in from Incheon.

She went over to the first patient down the aisle who was clutching a rosary caked with dried blood. His pale lips moving in silent prayer as he shivered. She was barely a few feet away when she saw the huge gaping wound on his side, the flesh torn, exposing charred skin and tissue defiled with earth. Pus was starting to drip from the wound, giving off the scent of rotting flesh. It was only a matter of time before sepsis took over. 

“Hey there…” Her korean was still a bit rusty since they mostly talked in english back home, but she tried nonetheless as she could see he was Korean from the insignia on his uniform.. 

He opened his eyes briefly, glancing at the medic before closing them back biting his lips as his body shook in pain. 

“I’ll give you a little something to tide over the pain a bit okay? This should be enough to let you fall asleep and I’ll take care of the wound you have here. We’ll patch you up just fine.” Rosie spoke softly, trying to hide the quiver in her voice. 

The man could barely nod. 

Judging by his look, he was no older than twenty.  _ So young yet _ … Rosie shook her head to drive out negative thoughts. She took out a 5cc syringe from the supply cabinet and the last remaining bottle of morphine. They were running low on supplies, they were careful not to waste any of it until backup arrives by next Monday. 

“Rosie! I was looking all over for you. Need a hand?” Jisoo, another medic who was born and raised in South Korea, was smiling from the tent door. 

“Jisoo, hi. Can you help me get him on IV?” Rosie gestured to the shivering soldier. 

Rosie could see Jisoo wince upon seeing the wound and the brief look of disappointment across her face when she saw the bottle in Rosie’s hands.

“Are you sure about this? Looking at the wound, I bet he’ll be gone before sunrise tomorrow.” Jisoo whispered “We have a delay up north with the caravan. They don’t expect the supplies to arrive till next Friday Rosie, we really shouldn’t use it on those we know wont make it.” Jisoo held onto her shoulder.

Rosie knew Jisoo was being logical. It was times like these were she was torn between what’s right and what was needed from her. She hated that, she made an oath and she wasn't the type of person to turn her back on her promises… 

“But we can’t just leave him there to suffer. We could at least try t--”

“I know… there’s no other way but to…”

“Are you suggesting we...” 

“Rosie, you know what that wound means. It’s not going to take long before the infection reaches his brain and killing him. It’s the least we can do… I can only imagine how painful it may be..”

“We can’t make that decision ourselves… We need approval from…”

“Jennie? I know. I’ll go find her.” Jisoo looked at her with sad eyes. “I’ll be back as soon as I can with her. Why don’t you treat others while I’m gone?” 

Rosie nodded, running her hands through her hair. A habit she got from her father.

“Yeah, sure.” 

Jisoo went off as quickly as she had arrived, leaving Rosie by herself. 

Muffled cries from the soldier pulled Rosie from her thoughts as she rushed to his side. 

“Hey… Hey… look at me. It’s going to be fine okay? Everything’s going to be fine.” 

Rosie held onto one of his hands. Hiding a wince the moment she felt how cold they were. He tried to focus on her face, glassy eyes staring back at her. He was mumbling something under his breath as he squeezed her hand.

“Kill.. I… it hurts…” Rosie could barely hear him, voice hoarse.

“You’re going to be fine.” She repeated it like a mantra, over and over as she brushed his hair off his face, biting her lower lip to keep herself from crying.

Swift, shaky hands grabbed onto her uniform collar, pulling her close to him. The sudden action made her lose her balance, and causing her to topple on top of his chest.

“Please… kill me… I can’t.. I can’t take the pain… anymore…it… it hurts... I’m sorry, tell.. Tell My ma Im sorry.” she could feel his hot breath against her cheeks. 

Rosie tried pulling away, but he was surprisingly strong as he held on. The grip on her collar was starting to make her claustrophobic and dizzy. 

“Please… promise..me…”

“I … " Rosie couldn't find her voice, a huge lump formed in her throat. "Im sorry … I"

Rosie could taste the salty tears that broke free, falling unto the soldiers soiled uniform. She struggled to free herself, careful not to graze the open wound. The soldier was involuntarily holding onto her uniform tightly, making her choke. If she doesn’t pull away now, she might fall unconscious from the lack of oxygen, and her crying wasn’t helping her at all. 

Pushing away the soldier seemed to have an opposite effect, as it only made him cling to her more, whispering gibberish as another wave of pain shook his body. 

_ F*ck _

Just when she was about to give up, slender hands gripped the soldier’s hands forcing them off her. Everything happened too fast and Rosie found herself in another person’s embrace. She could hear them hum a soft little melody as they made calming circular motions down her back, easing away the knot forming in her stomach from the fear. Rosie allowed herself to melt into the embrace, trying to regain her breathing. 

“Ms.Park, you should really try to be more careful next time.” 

Rosie froze, she knew that voice. It was the same voice that pestered her everytime she was on duty, during the slow days where she longed for peace and quiet, the same arrogant voice that drove her crazy. 

“What if my handsome self wasn’t here to save you?” 

Rosie pushed him away, huffing and grunting in the process. She could see the same annoying smirk on his face, making her flush in anger. She couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes and walking away.

“Is this how you thank people? I’m offended... “ 

Rosie ignored him, keeping herself busy with scrubbing her hands with lukewarm water and putting on a face mask. Anything to keep herself from giving a smart retort. She was thankful, she really was. Who wouldn’t? When he practically saved her from choking? It was that arrogant, obnoxious way he carried himself that made her furious. She couldn’t quite understand why he seemed to know how to push the wrong buttons. 

“Really? Ignoring me? Don’t you think I deserve some sort of thank you?”

Rosie couldn’t stop herself from slamming her hands on the metal gurney. 

“Look, thank you for saving my life oh great Private Manoban. Oh what would I do without you?” she said in mock admiration. “Happy?” 

“I find it hot when you glare at me like that.” Oh how Rosie wished she could punch that smug smile off his face. 

“Look, I said my thanks. Now if you don’t have any injury that needs attending to, you can leave my tent.” 

“Your ‘thank you” could use a little sincerity.” his laughter made her blood boil

“Maybe.. If you weren’t so arrogant, I would have been more sincere. Now out!” Rosie went back to the shivering soldier who seemed to go back to being lethargic. She placed a cool towel to try and cool down his fever. 

She could hear him walk away and breathed a sigh of relief.

_ Finally…. _

Rosie could still remember the first time they met. It was her 5th day in camp after being deployed when he walked into the tent, holding onto his shoulder. He had gotten into an accident after a rowdy night with the other soldiers, well... that was what she was told. He had looked at her and smirked and for some reason, everything he did annoyed her. Glancing at his uniform she could see he was drafted from Thailand. The only indication he wasn’t from here. It irked her even more when he spoke better Korean than her. Sometimes, he’d come in the morning when she hasn’t had coffee yet and annoy the hell out of her. Jisoo keeps on saying he has a crush on her, but she knows better. People like him just want attention out of everybody. 

Rosie shook her head and instead focused on trying her best to alleviate whatever pain the dying soldier was experiencing. She took a handful of cotton and rolled them into balls, dabbing them in alcohol. She tried her best to clean around the wound, careful not to touch the torn up skin. She was hoping for a stronger reaction from him, but the only thing she got was a small throaty whine from his limp body. 

_ Jisoo where are you?  _

She barely had enough time to react when a blanket was draped over her shoulder, causing her to turn around rather quickly, making her trip on her feet. 

For the second time that day she found herself wrapped in his arms. 

“You were shaking…” He sounded so soft… so feminine?

_ But that was impossible… _

“I brought you your favorite cup of coffee…” 

This was not what Rosie was expecting.

“You what?” She was still leaning against him, the soft cotton fabric of the blanket draped around her made her warmer than usual. She had hoped she wasn’t blushing. She could already hear him gloating about it. 

“You do take it with cream and a spoonful of sugar… right?” 

Her body seemed to have a mind of it’s own, slowly relaxing against his body heat. 

Rosie realized she has not given him any answer when he awkwardly shifted, pushing her away gently and ensuring she was on her feet, giving her a shy smile. 

“I did get your coffee right, or?” 

The sudden shift in atmosphere was making her confused. 

“Where did you get cream? We ran out days ago…”

He gave her a huge ass grin “I have my ways Ms. Park.” 

He held out the cup, the sweet aroma driving away the lingering scent of death around them.

“How do I know this isn’t a prank?”

“Offending me twice in a day.” He held his free hand up in mock horror before chuckling. “Trust me Ms. Park, I just want to make sure you’re fine.” He gestured to the cup in his right hand with a wink. “I’m sure you’ve had your fair share of gruesome sights, you’re a very strong woman … I know you won’t let something like this” he looked over her shoulder at the soldier “get the best of you.” 

Rosie had to swat him away to keep herself from blushing. 

“I swear to God I’ll make sure you’ll regret your next visit here if you don’t get rid of that goofy smile off your face.” 

“I lied when I said I liked you mad, flustered you is better.” Rosie slapped him on the shoulder hard. “By a long shot.”

Rosie took the cup from him and eyed him cautiously as she took a sip. He was still smiling at her when she closed her eyes. Coffee did wonders to her, washing away the fatigue and making her smile 

“I’d say I did a good job at taking care of you?” He was grinning from ear to ear now, Rosie gave off an appreciative hum as she nodded. 

“I don’t know what you’re up to Private, but thank you.” She gave him a warm smile, maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

“Finally! See? Saying thank you genuinely wasn’t so bad now was it?” The annoying smirk was back.

“Don’t push your luck, I still think you’re an as-”

The sudden convulsion from the soldier pulled them both from their little bubble. He was coughing out spurts of blood, staining the floor around him. Rosie was on her feet collecting towels off the supply cabinet. Private Manoban took them from her and asked how he could help. Doe-like eyes looking straight into hers making her breathless. 

“Rosie!” The clear authoritative voice boomed through the tent. Jennie was frowning, an apologetic Jisoo trailed after her. 

She glanced at the wound and nodded at Jisoo who went off to get the bottle hidden behind the first aid kit, before addressing Rosie. 

“We can’t let the others know. We go by a strict code to do everything we can to save each and every soldier brought into this place… but sometimes mercy is the only salvation they need.” Jennie gave them a brief sad smile before turning her attention to Manoban. 

“Private, I trust you’ll keep whatever happened here a secret?” 

He said nothing but looked at Jennie with a somber look, a glint of understanding as he nodded before turning away. He stopped right by Rosie, giving her a small smile touching the tip of his cap. 

"I'll see you tomorrow Ms. Park." 

Rosie nodded. 

* * *

The process was quick and painless. Jennie had administered the drug and made sure no one was allowed entry inside during the process. Rosie held his cold limp hand in her own, giving him comfort before the drug took effect, cutting off his misery. 

Jisoo helped her with preparing the body. They positioned his arms over his chest and placed the bloodied rosary carefully on top, weaving the worn out wooden beads around his intertwined fingers. Jennie had called for the other staff to take care of it, as she went to talk with his commanding officer. His family needed to be informed. 

* * *

The rest of the wounded weren't as banged up. Most of which were sent back to their barracks after being treated. The sky was already dark when Rosie stepped out of the tent, craving for a long hot shower to wash away the grime and the scent of war off of her. 

She shared a room with another medic, Yeri, who was away with a squadron up North, which meant she had the whole room to herself. 

Nearing the barracks, she passed by soldiers who were playing music, most of which were singing along regardless of how off key they sounded, smiles and laughter weaving with the sounds of the guitar, 

“Ms. Park!” He was jogging towards her with a smile. Up close and without the wounded nearby. Rosie was able to look at him closely and realized how long his lashes were, how feminine his lips were and how for some reason Rosie wondered why she wasn’t able to notice these before.

He licked his lower lip, the same smirk on his face as he cleared his throat

_ Or her throat rather? _

“Mind dancing with me tonight?” He looked so young, so carefree Rosie had no choice but to nod, felt his warm hands holding her own, being led towards the campfire they’ve made. Joining the other soldiers in celebration. 

He looked at her with the softest expression before asking if he can hold her by the waist. His other hand guiding her hands to his shoulder. Rosie was a bit taller than her which made him chuckle. They swayed to the music which had mellowed down to a ballad.

Rosie closed the distance between them “How long were you hoping no one would find out?” she could feel him shiver as she whispered. 

They continued to sway, the sky turning a midnight blue. 

“What do you mean?”

“That you’re a woman. Tell me… what’s your real name?” 

She stopped, frozen in her place the moment Rosie asked her the question. It didn’t take long for her to pick up where they stopped and to continue with the dance.

“I’ve always known you were someone special, took you longer than I thought to find out though..” Her laughter made Rosie warm against the cold night breeze

“Lisa… my name’s Lisa…” 


	5. Coffee Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't proofread so I'm sorry.  
Comments and suggestions on how to improve my writing would be appreciated.  
Slow burn fics are my literary drug with the exception of this chapter just because I was itching to write it haha.  
Hope you enjoy, let me know :)

_ “Hmm?..” _

_ “Nothing Chae…” _

_ “You were staring” her giggle made Lisa’s heart flutter _

_ Lisa traced her finger over Chaeyoung’s forehead, down to the bridge of her nose, over her lips and finally settling on her chin, cupping them ever so softly _

_ “You’re so beautiful… I … I… love you so much.” _

Autumn, 2017

“Quick to make assumptions I see?” She gave Lisa a playful wink, looking at her over the brim of her cup as she took a sip.

“Guilty as charged.” Lisa held her hands up in mock defeat, scrunching her nose as she smiled. “I pegged you as the workaholic who always takes their coffee black. You had that aura, remember when I told you? How was I supposed to know you liked it with cream and a whole spoonful of sugar? Imagine my shock when you ordered that afternoon back in Maeng’s?” 

“I’m starting to regret bringing up this topic, I never knew you thought of me that way when we first met.”

She held her cup to her face, bringing back warmth to her cheeks. Winter was almost here and she was beginning to regret the decision to take a coffee break in the park, but God knows she needed a break. She hated how she was growing accustomed to the grayness of the city day by day, winding through streets filled with people too preoccupied, too caught up in their own little bubble to even acknowledge the presence of one another. She hated the dull, heavy feeling settling in her chest because of it. The only thing she found rather comforting in the city was her job. She  _ loves  _ animals.

“First impressions aren’t always right y’know?” She closed her eyes, enjoying the comfort from the warmth of the coffee cup against her cheek.

Roseanne found it a bit endearing how they’ve been seeing each other more and more, ever since Lisa brought dear Leo over to their clinic. She smiled at how awkward their first meeting over coffee had gone. Lisa couldn’t stop herself from stuttering and she couldn’t stop herself from giggling at the other woman’s awkwardness. Fast forward three months and here they were, pretty much comfortable with one another’s presence that sometimes even the silence between them was enough. 

“Deja vu…” She barely heard Lisa over the chirping of the birds above them, 

“What?” She turned to look at the blonde haired girl beside her. 

“I just had a weird sense of Deja vu there.” Brown eyes meeting her own, a glint of playfulness brimming, begging to be released. 

“Deja vu? I don’t recall ever telling you how much I hate first impressions.” 

“I know, which is what makes it weird.” 

She tore her gaze from Lisa, she knew if she kept on looking, she’d find herself breathless and drowning. She was making a habit out of it. The breathlessness and the drowning. Most of the nights she found herself staring at the ceiling, wishing and hoping -- praying the feeling away. Roseanne Park knew this little crush had to stop, but she couldn’t help it. Lisa was simply breathtaking, and anyone who thought otherwise was just stupid. 

“Rosie?” 

Lisa was pouting at her, making her laugh. This brought a smile on Lisa’s face, finally breaking out in a laugh along with her. Lisa looked best when she was happy, it made Rosie’s heart go into somersaults in her chest, and the all too familiar feeling of drowning was back. Sometimes… Roseanne thinks of giving in to the warm feeling creeping up her body, give in to the thought that maybe, just maybe Lisa felt the same way. She’d sometimes find Lisa look at her with an expression she can’t read, disappearing as fast as it appeared on her face. 

“Hmmm?”

“You know what’s weirder?” 

Lisa played with the seams of the blanket they were sitting on, eyebrows furrowing, her bangs covering the crease it was making on her forehead.

“What?”

She gave off a small chuckle and took a deep breath before continuing.

“It’s this feeling I can’t shake off.” 

“You know how I hate it when you make me guess. Just spit it out Lalise.” 

“Fine, fine… geez. You’ve been spending too much time with Jisoo and Jennie, they’re rubbing off on you.” 

Rosie rolled her eyes but smiled. She really couldn’t stay mad at Lisa for long anyways. 

“I can’t help but feel like I’ve known you ever since…known you my entire life and all the other past lives I may have had” she sounded so small and vulnerable. “Sounds cliche right?.”

Roseanne doesn’t answer, she stays quiet and looks towards the cityscape. She wasn't trying to ignore Lisa, it’s just sometimes her silence is all the answer Lisa needs. 

“It scares me sometimes. I don’t know how or why but it just is. I’m sorry Rosie…”

“For what?” She closes her eyes, a hint of annoyance in her voice. 

She knew, even before she felt Lisa’s warm hands on her own. She couldn’t explain it either but she knew. Felt the stirring in her chest become stronger as Lisa’s fingers intertwined with her own, they fit each other perfectly, almost as if they were two halves of one. 

_ Was that possible? _

Rosie knew believing in fairytales would only have her end up in pain, the real world doesn't work that way. It always finds a way to take back everything it gives in return, one way or another it always finds a way.. Everything comes with a price. And the best ones? They were costliest. But that didn’t stop her stubborn heart from wishing a happy ever after.

“For feeling this way, when we’ve only known each other, what? Three months?” Lisa held her hand tighter, Rosie wanted to think she did so because she was afraid if she let go, she’d disappear. 

She laughed, cynically thinking that dreams were too good to be true. Here she was hoping Lisa was saying sorry for having fallen for her. 

_ How gullible can you be? _

“Why be sorry for something as innocent as that?” She hated it when she was mad and frustrated at the same time. 

“I don’t think you understand what I’m implying chipmunk. Never thought you’d be this oblivious.” Lisa chuckled, inching closer to her as she playfully nudged Rosie’s shoulder using her own. 

“Can we stop it with the mind and the guessing games? I just worked on a major surgery with my annoying brother, cut me some slack please?” She didn’t care if she was whining, it was Lisa anyways and Lisa always seemed to understand.

Lisa’s laughter was enough to drive away the annoyance and frustration. For a moment when she looked back at Lisa, time seemed to have stopped and the only thing that mattered were Lisa’s hazel doe eyes looking straight into her own, and the sudden outburst of warmth in her chest that flowed throughout the rest of her body.

_ Badump … badump…. How do you stop yourself from feeling? _

“Rosie?” Lisa whispered, she could barely hear her from how loud her heart was beating. 

“Hmmm?” Rosie was afraid anything louder would break whatever moment they had.

Lisa cupped her chin, gently caressing her cheeks. She wanted to close her eyes, afraid that if Lisa looked into them deeply, the secret she tried so hard to keep would reveal itself. But, she couldn’t. How can she when she was held captive by Lisa’s steady gaze? She licked her lips instinctively, unaware of how Lisa’s pupil dilated when she did, how Lisa inched closer their foreheads touching and how Lisa leaned in. 

Fireworks exploded inside her, sparks in her chest to full on explosion the moment their lips touched. She tasted like chocolate milk and happiness, if happiness was a flavor. As cliche as it may sound Roseanne didn’t care. She leaned into the kiss, her free hand pulling Lisa closer, burying her hand into Lisa’s hair. She heard Lisa hum, felt her smile as she broke away for a second before kissing her again, soft and quick. 

“Have I ever told you how much I’ve been wanting to do that?” She had her eyes closed, rubbing her nose against Rosie’s.

“No.”

“Why don’t I show it to you then?” 

Roseanne barely had time to answer when Lisa chuckled, kissing her again. Long and hard. She wanted so much for time to stop permanently, trapped in this moment with her. If only right? Lisa’s tongue begged entry, dancing with her own, her heartbeat their own melody.

“Lisa…” breathless as she pulled away

“I’m sorry…” 

“Would you stop apologizing and shut up for once?” she wasn’t really annoyed, but she swore all this apologizing was driving her crazy. 

Lisa pulled her into an embrace, burying her face into the crook of her neck. 

“You always smell of roses and sunshine.”

She was playing with Rosie’s hair, twirling them with her fingers behind Rosie’s back.

“If I told you I loved you, would you hate me for it?” 

Roseanne felt the hot tears against her neck, staining into the fabric of her sweater. Lisa tried her best to keep herself shaking as she sobbed. 

“Would you hate me Rosie?” Lisa whispered.

“How could I hate you when I’ve loved you all this time? Loved you ever since? God Lisa, if you only knew.” She wrapped her arms around Lisa, holding her tightly. “If you only knew how hard it was to stay afloat, how hard it was to keep myself from drowning into these stupid emotions and the constant thoughts of you.”

Lisa laughed and hiccuped. “Stop making me cry, I get super ugly when I cry dummy.”

It was Roseanne’s turn to laugh. 

“Don’t ruin the mood Lalise,” She turned to kiss her on the cheek “you’re making me fall for you even more.”

She had always loved disney movies, enjoyed them when she was a child and even loved them more when she grew older. It was in this moment she knew it wasn’t just a simple crush. 

_ Please be my happy ending Lisa…  _


	6. Waterfalls and Roadtrips

_ "Stop doing that." _

_ "Doing what?" _

_ "Taking stolen pictures of me," She gave Lisa a pout "I always look ugly in them." _

_ Lisa's laugh rang out against the night, "You don't." clicking to capture another photo "You look best when you're carefree, and memories are always best saved when they're unplanned." _

Summer, 1971

Lisa drew little stars and hearts on the car’s window, blowing on the window with her breathe and using her fingers to make the shapes. Smiling at how they slowly disappeared and then repeating the process. 

“Do you want to listen to anything on the radio?” Chaeyoung kept her eyes on the road, only glancing at her when she isn’t answering any of her questions.

Just like now. 

“Lisaaaaa-yaaaa…”

She laughed at the other woman's paranoia, “No Chaeng I’m fine. I don’t want to wake Jisoo and Jennie anyways.” She looked at her and smiled. Chaeyoung’s brows were furrowed, and she was making _ that _face again.

“I kept reminding them to sleep early since we were going out to the falls today. They never listen. Sometimes I wonder how they’re older than us when they act like babies.” a hint of annoyance in her voice, but Lisa knew she wasn’t really mad she can tell by the way Chaeyoung’s eyes softened as she glanced at the rearview mirror. 

Lisa did the same thing and chuckled at how cute the older women looked all cuddled up in the backseat. It was still dark out and Jisoo wasn’t all too thrilled when she was dragged into the car by an angry looking Chaeyoung. Chaeng insisted they head out early since it was a long drive out, and Lisa was thankful they did. It gave her enough time to spend with Chaeyoung alone. 

She went back to looking out the car window, trees that lined the highway passed by her in a blur. Entrancing yet so dizzying. _ Just like what she’s doing to you? _Lisa hated it when she thinks that way, it doesn’t change the fact that she wasn’t right about it though. She let out a quiet sigh and played with the tips of her bangs. Chaeyoung was every bit a puzzle to her and it was making her into a big ball of frustrated energy. Sometimes she’d avoid the woman when it became too unbearable, afraid that she might be too transparent and be caught red handed. The other woman was great at reading her and her emotions. 

She shifted in her seat and caught Chaeyoung giving her an apologetic look in the corner of her eye. 

“Sorry, the road might get a little bumpy from here on but I’ll try and make the ride as smooth as possible.” Lisa found her kindness a little too endearing. 

“I think I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” 

She let out a cute little snort as she focused her gaze on the road again. _ God… _ When will Lisa stop using “cute” everytime she thought about her? 

“Don’t worry about those two, we might as well get face to face with a tornado and they’d still be sound asleep. Why don’t you try and sleep too?”

“I’m fine, but you know what? Let’s try and listen to some music.”

“Wait let me -- .” Chaeyoung reached over to open the dashboard, keeping her other hand on the steering wheel. She fished for something and handed her a cassette tape. “Here.” 

Lisa raised her brow, looking at the tape and then at her. 

“It’s a compilation of the songs you told me you liked.” Lisa swore her heart stopped, she’d died, went to heaven and the woman she was talking to right now was an angel. 

“What?” Lisa looked away, she knew if she looked back Chaeyoung would know the truth. 

“Songs you told me reminded you of home.” She took the tape from Lisa’s hands and fed it to the car stereo. “Belated happy birthday Lisa.” 

Soft dulcet notes from a piano solo filled the car, enveloping them. 

“My birthday was three months ago Chaeng.” 

“Yes, but we haven’t met then so think of it as a belated gift or something.” 

“You’re going to make me cry.” Lisa laughed her awkwardness away, turning her attention back to the view outside the window. “But, thank you…”

Lisa could feel Chaeyoung’s gaze on her, but she didn’t dare look back. Not when the butterflies inside her were threatening to escape and suffocate the car. She hummed along to the melody, resting her head on the window and closing her eyes. 

Sometimes she wonders how empty her life was before she met her. Wonder how everything would be like if she hadn’t stepped foot inside Chaeyoung’s flowershop, didn’t have the courage to talk to her, or what would have been if she didn’t accept Chaeyoung’s offer to lunch. That afternoon felt right, Lisa knew it was the turning point in her life. She didn’t really bothered with how wierd it was that they both clicked instantly, Chaeyoung felt like a long lost friend to her. Chaeng had been going through some rough time with her family and so was her. Like a pair of old shoes, they were like twins. The only thing she hated was this stupid little crush she had on her. Lisa found herself visiting her frequently, spending every free time she had inside the little flowershop. Sometimes helping Chaeyoung with the arrangements, but mostly kept her company. Talking about anything and everything that came into their mind. 

* * *

Lisa hadn’t realized she had fallen asleep until someone was shaking her gently.. 

“Morning sleepyhead.” Jisoo’s smirk was the first thing that greeted her. 

“Morning to you too.”

“Come on, Jennie and Chaeyoung are already preparing lunch. We should go and help them. I don’t plan on losing an ear over Jennie’s hour long preaching if she found out we’re ditching them with all the work, you wouldn’t like it either trust me.”

Lisa stretched, allowing her body to get rid of the drowsiness that was slowly creeping up again. 

“How long was I asleep?” her voice was raspy. 

“Don’t know, Chaeyoung practically shook us out of happy dreamland the moment we arrived and decided to leave you be until we have everything ready. Don’t really understand why she treats us like shit and gives you special treatment when we’ve known each other longer.” 

“Because I’m nicer. All you and Jennie do is annoy her.” Lisa got out of the passenger side and fix the ruflle in her dress and made sure her hair wasn’t sticking out everywhere. It had a mind of it’s own whenever she wakes up.

“We’re nice too. We just like angry Chaeyoung, she looks prettier that way.”

Jisoo was already walking away making Lisa run after her. She tried to keep up with the shorter girl who was suprisingly faster. They came into a clearing near the falls, wide enough for campers to set up tents. Jennie and Chaeyoung were already done with setting up the blanket and preparing their packed lunches.

“Hey! What took you so long?” Jennie was giving them an annoyed look.

“Don’t blame me, I had a hard time waking miss sleepyhead here.” Jisoo plopped beside Chaeyoung, making Lisa take the spot beside a fuming Jennie.

“I’m starving, what’s for lunch?” 

“Your puppy dog eyes won’t work on me Lisa,” Jennie huffed, shoving a cold chicken sandwch to her outstretched hands. “I’m not Chaeyoung.”

The group erupted in laughter, Lisa tried to fight off a blush creeping up. 

“See? Jennie thinks so too.” Jisoo was breathless as she nudged at Chaeyoung who was smiling, an unreadable expression on her face. 

“I don’t favor Lisa over you two, she just doesn’t annoy the living hell out of me.” 

“Shee? Jishoo-ya I told you sho.” Lisa said thorugh a mouthful of food, glaring at Jisoo.

Lisa dodged an empty water bottle that whisked past her, almost hitting her on the head.

“Hey!”

“Don’t talk when your mouth is full dummy.” Chaeyoung grinned. Jisoo and Jennie red from laughing. 

* * *

Summer was reaching its peak and the humid air made her grumpier than usual. Sweat made her bangs stick to her forehead making her hate the warm weather all the more. It was Chaeyoung’s idea to take a break from the sweltering heat by going to the nearest waterfall two towns away. 

The water was cool and felt nice against her warm skin as she swam. They ran off to jump into the icy cool water the moment they finished off eating. Jennie ran up to a cluster of rocks that served as a diving spot and showed off her skills making Chaeyoung and Jisoo to clap in awe. Jisoo wanted to try it out but was too scared, she never liked heights. People were starting to arrive in batches and the pool below the falls was filled in no time. 

Lisa was floating far off the other side, away from the clamoring people and the children that were nagging their parents and older siblings. It was quieter there and it allowed her a certain sense of privacy, allowing her to drift off to thoughts of a certain brown haired woman so alike sunshine her smile made every dark thoughts squirm away. 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Lisa opened her eyes to a pair of brown ones looking at her, cheeks puffing from her huge grin. She could feel her heart clenching, making her blush. She didn’t answer and instead gave Chaeyoung a smile, slamming the water around her with her hand. 

Chaeyoung covered her face in time as Lisa thrashed the water closest to her, a shocked expression on her face as water splashed. 

“Lisaaaa-yaaa! Stop!”

Lisa couldn’t contain the laughter bubbling inside her as she continued to splashed Chaeyoung. Lisa loved it when Chaeyoung laughed, it was music to her aching heart, caressing her heartstrings, making her fall deeper into the brewing feelings she tried so hard to push away. Chaeyoung retaliated by splashing back, hitting Lisa in the face with water. 

They both laughed, making the other people closest to them to swim away.

“Chaeng! Stop!”

“You started it dummy!” 

Lisa took hold of Chaeyoungs hands to stop them from splashing into the water, An invisible current sent delicious shivers down her spine, making her bite her lower lip. She looked into Chaeyoung’s eyes hoping to see something, anything that indicated she felt the same thing.

“Chaeng?” her voice was lower than usual.

“Yeah?”

Lisa held her breath, she found herself looking at Chaeyoungs lips and then back at her eyes. Lisa couldn’t read the look she was giving her. Lisa nudged closer, parting her lips and licking them with anticipation. 

“Lisa! Chaeng!” Jennie’s voice rang out, making Lisa groan in silence. She swore she saw disappointment on Chaeyoung’s face before it was replaced with a smile.

Jennie swam towards them, a flushed Jisoo following behind. 

“What are you two doing here? You guys are too far off.” 

Lisa was about to answer when she felt Chaeyoung hold onto her wrist, guiding her as she swam to meet Jennie and Jisoo halfway. 

“C’mon why don’t we take a little snack and dry off? We can get back to swimming after.”

“Let’s, I’m afraid my legs will give in any second, I forgot how physically exhausting swimming could be.” Jisoo said through clenched teeth. 

* * *

Lisa’s damp swimsuit made a funny looking stain on the blanket, visible when she stood up to grab a soda from the cooler. 

“Didn’t know you had such a fine looking ass Manoban.” Jennie gave her a wink as she and Jisoo laughed.

Lisa could see Chaeyoung smiling through her lashes as she threw a spare soda can over to Jisoo. 

“Got a problem with that?” 

Jennie just answered her with a smirk before resting her head on Jisoo’s lap and closing her eyes 

* * *

The afternoon heat has died down to a hot breeze wafting in every once in a while as they sat in comfortable silence. Jennie and Jisoo were playing a game of checkers with Chaeyoung watching over them amused at the way Jisoo was surprisingly winning against Jennie.

He looked liked a deer caught in the headlights, his wet hair glistening against the afternoon sun. Lisa hated him the moment he smiled at Chaeyoung, dimples creasing.

“Hi.”

His friends were cheering him on as he shifted his weight, hand through his hair as he gave Chaeyoung an embarassed smile. 

“I uh, my friends kept on pestering me and I kind of lost a game of truth and dare.” 

Chaeyoung smiled back, Lisa hoped what she saw was annoyance and not amusement. Jennie stopped mid move and Jisoo was smirking.

“I was hoping I could get your name?” 

Jennie giggled, slapping Chaeyoung on the leg. “Oooh Chaeng has an admirer.”

Lisa couldn’t understand the weird way her heart was clenching in the wrong ways. It felt heavy and smothered, like someone was squeezing the life and blood out of it. She could feel the heat climb its way to her ears, hearing the dull throbbing against Jennie's giggles.

“Chaeng? Is that short for Chaeyoung?” He chuckled, showing off a wide smile. 

“Yes, yes it is,” Jennie answered back. 

_ God, would Jennie stop that? _

Chaeyoung shifted in her seat and threw another emabarassed smile. “Park Chaeyoung. My name’s Park Chaeyoung. You can tell your friends to not be so hard on you.” 

Lisa felt like she was kicked hard in the gut, she could feel the claws of the green eyed monster take hold of her. Jisoo was eyeing her curiously and she tried to hide her annoyance with a smile.

“Yeah, and maybe tell your friends it’s rude to barge in unannounced at other people’s space.” She mumbled under her breath. 

“I’m sorry?” Innocent eyes looked at her as he turned his attention over to Lisa.

“My friend said it’s time for you to get payback.” Jisoo hastily answered, eyeing Lisa.

“Oh, thanks.” rubbing his hands behind his back. “My name’s Jungkook by the way” turning his attention back to Chaeyoung with a goofy grin. 

Lisa couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“I’d love to see you again, maybe we could bump into each other one of these days.”

Lisa’s knuckles were turning white from how strong she was holding onto the edges of the blanket. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Chaeyoung caught Lisa’s gaze and smiled. Enough to tide over the anger Lisa was feeling in her heart. “If you’ll excuse us we’d like to get back to swimming.” 


	7. Promises are meant to be Broken, but can we keep this one instead?

_ Lisa took a long deep drag from the newly lit cigarette, filling her lungs with nicotine stained smoke calming the nervous flutter in her chest. _

_ “I didn’t know you smoked.” there wasn’t any judgement in her tone, just curiosity. _

_ “I don’t” _

_ “Lisa you’re shaking.” Her soft voice enveloped her in a warm embrace, enough to drive away her worries and the frigid winter air. _

_ “I am?” _

* * *

Winter, 1950

Lisa was stupid. Stupid enough to run away from home and fake her way into joining the war. Not that home back then could be considered one. The only thing that made her call it ‘home’ was the fact that it gave her a roof above her head and a clean bed to sleep in every night. But family? She’d laugh in your face and shook her head, the only real family she considered was Bam Bam, _ that little rascal _. 

Orphaned at a young age, she found her five year old self crying herself to sleep in the orphanage bed every night, afraid that if she slept too long she’d find herself alone the moment she wakes up. Bam Bam was always there when she wakes up though, smiling, joking, street smart Bam Bam. The only person she considers family, her brother and best friend. 

_ “I’ll write to you every chance I get Lis. Don’t cha worry. I’ll be back before you know it.” _

But he didn’t write, not one letter the first month he was drafted. 

_ Next month… she’s sure he’ll reach out by then. _

But he didn’t. No letter, no sign of him for five months.

Five months of waiting and cursing. Five whole months and Lisa has had enough. Finding herself sneaking into the next ship destined for Korea, found herself stealing a set of uniform from a scrawny looking boy not much older than her, and playing with the military issued gun. She was like Bam Bam in that way, smart enough to allow them to survive another day. 

* * *

Everyday she fears of being caught, a war zone wasn’t someplace a woman should be in. And being sent back to Thailand before finding out what happened to Bam Bam wasn’t an option, she’s not a quitter. Life was an asshole to her but she’ll find herself giving it the middle finger before entertaining the thought of going back home without her friend. 

It’s been a month and a half since, they were merely reinforcements sent to take over those who had the unfortunate fate of dying fighting over other people’s ideologies. She realized war was nothing but a big old game of “This is mine and not yours” for adults. _ What pathetic way of thinking. _

A month and a half since, and she was for the love of God - dancing with the prettiest woman she’d ever seen in her life. Blonde colored hair blowing with the night wind and laugh as light as a feather mixing beautifully with the music.

Lisa held her by the waist as gently as she could, afraid she’d be put off by her sense of callousness. She felt her draw closer, making her shiver.

“How long were you hoping no one would find out?” 

“What do you mean?”

“That you’re a woman. Tell me… what’s your real name?” 

Lisa’s heart stopped for a brief moment, short enough to allow her to feign nonchalance and long enough for her to breathe in the sweet perfume intoxicating her senses.

“I’ve always known you were someone special, took you longer than I thought to find out though...” Lisa laughed the building worry in her core. “Lisa… my name’s Lisa…” 

* * *

* * *

“How long do you think you could keep up with this facade Lis?”

It’s been a while since she heard that nickname, Lisa loved it though despite the bitter sadness it elicited in her. She left the question unanswered, hanging in the air around them.

“Don’t you find the night sky so entrancing?” Lisa closed her eyes, allowing herself to relax. “Do you think the stars know they make the night sky look so pretty?”

She heard Rosie sigh in frustration beside her. Squirming to make herself comfortable on the thin blanket beneath them. Lisa peeked through her left eye and smiled when she saw the blonde haired medic frowning at her. It’s been a couple of weeks since they got close, but it felt like they’ve known each other for a lifetime.

“Lisa.” 

“Don’t use your medic voice on me Rosie, you know how I could never resist that.” 

Lisa turned to her side to face her. She could care less if she sounded prejudiced but… she looked even more beautiful beneath the moonlit night. Soft features illuminated beneath the stars and moonlight. She rolled her eyes, making Lisa chuckle. She sometimes forgot how easily annoyed she could get. Lisa could never blame her, not when she spent most of her early days in camp annoying her. Made it easier for Lisa to get closer to her anyway. 

“Lisa I’m serious. Do you know what would happen to you if you get caught right? Now’s not the time to --”

“I’m aware Rosie, you don’t have to remind me.” Lisa caressed her cheek, 

“Then why are you so stubborn?”

“Because…”

“You’re seriously pissing me off right now.”

Lisa laughed, scrunching her nose as she did so. 

“I haven’t given you any answers yet! Why are you so pissed off already?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes you just do.”

Lisa sat up, resting her back against the tree and ruffling her hair. It spent the entire day hidden in her cap, she was dying to let it breathe. 

“Should I be worried or honored Miss Park?”

She sat up, but turned her back towards Lisa. _ She loved making her angry - she was cuter that way. _

“I can’t with you right now.” 

Lisa caught her by the waist, pulling her in an embrace and resting her chin on the dip between her neck and shoulder. Rosie always smelled like flowers and Lisa loved it. Loved how it remained a constant reminder that this nightmare of a place was temporary, loved how it reminded her of what peace felt like, what home should have felt like. She held Rosie, refusing to let go anytime soon. 

“Can we talk about something else? Anything else but the thought of maybe dying at a place as grim as this.” Lisa whispered, feeling Rosie relax in her arms.

“I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just … fine. Look, I’m sorry. I just can’t wrap my mind around how you’re not that affected by the thought of being exposed.” 

There was a tinge of sadness in her voice, Lisa has always admired how strong Rosie was. Anyone with a weak will wouldn’t last a day with the sheer amount of wounded patients and dying soldiers she had to deal with. And part of that was the reason why she was so drawn to her. 

_ A rose with thorns. Beautiful, innocent, yet unwavering. _

“Why did you come here Lisa?” she asked softly, turning her head towards Lisa. Lisa saw unshed tears against soft brown eyes.

“Family.”

“You said you were an orphan.” 

“Family doesn’t have to be by blood. A… a friend of mine from the orphanage was drafted. He hasn’t kept in contact ever since.” 

Rosie said nothing, waiting for Lisa to continue. 

“Bam Bam and I go way back. He was an orphan by birth, left outside the doors. I wasn’t. I had a family… a mother, and a father. Bam Bam had no one but himself until I arrived. He took it upon himself to make sure I wake up safe and sound from the never ending nightmares. He..” Lisa’s voice cracked, unaware of the flow of tears drenching Rosie’s uniform. 

Lisa felt warm hands around her, felt Rosie reach out facing her. Running her long, slender fingers through her hair as Lisa buried deeper into the crook of her neck. 

“I’m sorry Lisa… tell me… more, but only if you want to.”

Lisa let out a choked laugh. 

“He was every bit as stupid as me you know? I never understood why he volunteered, we were happy back then. Just me and him. Sometimes with a girl he met out in the streets when he worked from one odd job to another, but still we were family. Weren’t families supposed to stick together? It worked that way, right? God, and he was charming, you would’ve been smitten by him if you’d met each other. Not that I’ll let him though. But, boy was he stupid.”

Rosie were drawing little circles on her back, burning her skin under the uniform where her touch lingered. Craving so much to feel the warmth of her fingertips against her cold skin. 

“And your parents?”

“I don’t remember their faces anymore, sometimes there are nights where I’d dream of them and I’d see glimpses of a smile, felt the ghost of an embrace, but never too intense to leave imprints of their faces in my memory. It’s like smoke, I wake up and everything would go back to what it was. Blank faces in mind. Sometimes when it gets too unbearable I’d get these little flashbacks of smiling eyes behind eyeglasses. It’s been so long Rosie, I don’t even remember their name.”

“Oh Lisa… I’m so sorry.” 

Rosie held her tightly, rocking back and forth. Felt Rosies’s own tears against her cheek.

“Don’t be Rosie. It was such a long time ago. I’ve learned to move on.”

“But Lisa you deserve oh so much. All the happiness in the world. You don’t deserve to be here, not when you’ve known darkness your whole life. You… You deserve sunshine and … and”

“You? Can’t I deserve you too? You are my sunshine Rosie. The brightest I’ve ever known in my whole life. Can’t you stay with me?” 

Rosie didn’t answer, Lisa knew she couldn’t. They both knew. War was like that, it made you think everyday was your last. Maybe it was good, the idea of no longer having a tomorrow made people enjoy what they have today. Maybe it was bad too, it made you reckless and recklessness could only mean one thing when you’re out on the field. Recklessness could cost you your life. 

“Lisa?”

“Hmmm…”

“Promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“We’ll find Bam Bam.”

“Of course…”

“And another one.”

“Sure.”

“Come back to me alive.”

“I promise Rosie.”

Rosie was shaking as she cried, holding onto Lisa’s uniform. 

“And another?”

“Rosie…”

“When all of this is over, will you come back home with me? We’ll take Bam Bam with us, Im… Im sure Alice wouldn’t mind ”

Lisa nodded, afraid that maybe she won’t be able to keep the promises she’d make tonight. Afraid that she’ll break Rosie’s heart along with her own. 

“I promise love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo.... I was feeling sad out of the blue and this happened. It's a bit short compared to the other chapters, sorry about that. Anyways thank you for reading! :)


	8. Listen to my weeping heart

_It was that time of the year when flowers bloomed, Chaeyoung looked at her and smiled. _

_“Do you believe in the idea of rebirth?”_

_“Chaeng, don’t be foolish. You know where I stand on this discussion.” Lisa frowned, making Chaeyoung smile all the more_

_“Lisa,” closing her eyes, bringing her voice down to a whisper “there’s nothing I want more than a chance at another lifetime with you.”_

Spring, 1562

The scent of blooming flowers filled the courtyard, masking her bed chamber with a smothering sweetness. Lisa loved spring, loved how it brought color to her otherwise dull court life. 

She looked at her reflection, taking off the ornaments in her hair one by one and placing them neatly on top of her drawer, careful not to break the steady rhythm with which she moved. Order and discipline, just a few of the traits drilled into her being the moment she was old enough to walk and talk. Traits she despised to the core. She hated the silence and the stillness that kept everyone in its wake a prisoner with as much intensity as she did with what was expected of her. 

_ Fear… _

She kept telling herself that it was fear she hated most.

_ Fear of being a disappointment. _

Yes, her father expected much from her… but if she were honest with herself more it was the idea of losing herself to expectations that she feared the most. Becoming someone she isn’t to please those she was taught to repay; her family. 

She heard the ruffling of leaves and the soft snap of a broken branch outside. She sat still, holding on to the hilt of her dagger, fingers around the family crest engraved on it’s handle. She stood up, hanbok in a flutter towards the other side of her bed, the one farthest from the closed window where the sound was most audible.

“Lisa?” She heard a soft voice from the other side, it’s familiarity making her tense muscles relax. 

She surprised herself with how fast she reached for the window, sliding it open to peek at the woman smiling on the other side.

“Chaeyoung! By the god’s! What are you doing here so late in the evening?”

Lisa found herself smiling despite the anger that silently brewed inside of her. The obedient daughter inside of her was furious, but the real Lisa begging to break free was happy. Happy to see the familiar brown eyes that looked at her with fondness.

“I missed you.” 

Lisa’s breath hitched.

“Do you have a death wish? If father finds out…”

“Your father is sound asleep in his room, the servants are more concerned with filling their starving bellies and keeping themselves warm inside the servants quarters and I’m … missing you..”

Lisa was breathless.

_ How can one person take her breath away with just one look? _

“If flowers bloomed for every lie you speak of Chaeng, you would have had a garden that would put the royal courtyard to shame.”

She laughed, she was sunshine against the darkness that enveloped her outside Lisa’s window.

“I speak of only the truth Lisa. Why do you doubt me?”

“I doubt everyone mad enough to come out at night and stupid enough to sneak into my room.”

Lisa tried to hide the grin wanting to escape.

“Doubt anything but my intentions for you. May I come inside?” 

“No.” 

Chaeyoung gave her a pout, looking as sad as she could. 

“Lisa…”

“Chaeyoung,..”

“You are mocking me, how unladylike.” Chaeyoung feigned anger, humor in her eyes.

Lisa couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“Sneaking into other people’s rooms, how unladylike of you. I am appalled, what would--”

She was caught off guard when Chaeyoung leaned in, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. Making her skin prickle as she felt Chaeyoung’s breath on her cheek.

“Don’t make me beg” she whispered, lips so close to her cheek she could feel them move as she spoke. 

* * *

Chaeyoung stood awkwardly inside her room.

“Are you not happy at seeing me?”

“No.”

“Not even a little bit?”

Lisa let out a groan. As much as she loved her, she exasperated her. 

“I’m worried for you.” She answered back seriously, going over to place her dagger on the drawer. She could see how Chaeyoung looked away, biting her lip through the reflection on the mirror. 

“Jisoo-eonnie is waiting for me outside. I… I’ll leave you be if that’s what you wish. I’m sorry for bothering you so late in the evening.”

The sadness in her voice was too much, it broke Lisa’s heart in two. 

“Wait.” turning to face her. “Chaeng…”

She gave Lisa a small smile, tilting her head. The amber glow from the lamp made her black hair glisten, masking it with a soft glow. 

“Yes?”

“Stay.” her heart fluttered when she saw Chaeyoung beam. “Stay the night. You can leave before the sun rises. That should give you enough time to leave without father kno--”

Chaeyoung silenced her with a kiss. Taking away every bit of tension and fear caged inside her and replacing it with a sense of calmness she never knew existed. Chaeyoung was gentle and beautiful but oh so headstrong. A deadly combination for someone who held Lisa’s heart. She kissed back with as much intensity, wanting to take, take as much of what Chaeyoung was offering to her. 

Chaeyoung was the first one to break away. 

“Are you sure?” 

She pulled Lisa closer by the waist, eyes closed as she placed another kiss on her cheek.

“Yes, stay here with me. I’ve missed you too.” Lisa admitted.

* * *

Chaeyoung’s fingers grazed her stomach, setting her longing heart on fire. Lisa knew Chaeyoung was a gifted artisan, and the way she drew random pictures against her body made her shiver.

“What about... “ Lisa couldn’t think straight, not when Chaeyoung was nibbling on her neck like this. 

“Hmmm…” Lisa could feel her smile, teasing her with a soft bite on her burning neck. Stopping briefly, making Lisa crave for more. 

“Jisoo… she’s … waiting.” She hated how her mind shuts down.

Chaeyoung was tracing the invisible path from her chin to her ear with butterfly kisses. 

“I lied.” She whispered. Swirling her tongue against the sensitive skin behind Lisa's ear. “Jisoo-eonnie is asleep. I came here alone.”

That alone was enough to make Lisa push her away. She could still hear her chuckling, felt her fleeting touches on her skin. 

“Chaeng!”

“Can you blame me? I wanted to see you tonight not because of this.” Chaeyoung gestured to them, eyes pleading for understanding. “But because of this.” She took Lisa’s hand and placed it on her chest, right above where her heart should be. 

“Chaeyoung, I’m no longer in the mood to listen to any of your sweet talk.”

“Lisa, please. Can you feel that?” 

Lisa stayed silent. 

“Feel how it’s begging for you? I wanted to see you tonight... before…”

Lisa closed her eyes, fighting the tears.

“I know… I know and I’m sorry… If I could prevent it from happening I would. The Gods know how much… how much I love you… only you…I’m so sorry”

Lisa was sobbing now. Body shaking as another wave of tears flowed out. Chaeyoung was holding her, humming Lisa’s favorite tune. Chaeyoung had such beautiful voice.

“I’m not mad at you. Never at you love. I’m tired of how our circumstances always lead us away from each other. Destiny is so cruel. You are…like hibiscus… so coveted, so beautiful. I’m nothing but weed Lisa.”

Lisa could hear her voice break, hear the sadness and pain silently seeping through.

“You are never weed Chaeyoung, if anything you are as every bit as beautiful as a rose.” Lisa wiped her own tears away. She held Chaeyoung’s face in her hands, caressing her cheeks and kissing the tears away. 

Lisa moved to kiss her on the lips, slowly at first and more determined, more wanting the second time around.

Lisa untied the strings of Chaeyoung’s jeogori. Stopping briefly to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Are you sure about this?” 

She looked Chaeyoung in the eye and nodded, running her fingers across Chaeyoung’s back making her close her eyes. Lisa dug her nails into her back as Chaeyoung kissed her on the neck, going lower and lower. Stopping right above her beating heart, kissing the spot with as much gentleness she could muster.

“I love you so much Lisa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so ... did not add the mature content tag because it was only quite implied in this chapter? Is that fine? Also I'm not that good at writing intimate scenes... XD 
> 
> Quick reversal of roles, because I wanted Chaeyoung to be the one initiating things for once. I miss dark haired bad ass Chaeng so much.... 
> 
> Also I just realized the writing here is sort of non-linear so I apologize for any confusion this might cause, if something isn't clear feel free to ask. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! :)


	9. Goodbye

_ “I asked myself everyday why…” _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “Why would fate let me meet you and never let me be with you? What did I do wrong?” _

_ “Oh Lisa… we’ll be together again. If not now then someday.” _

_ She smiles, and holds my hand _

_ “Maybe, someday. Right?” _

Winter 1950

Roseanne enters the medic tent with purpose. Jennie called her to attend to the new soldiers brought in from the western front. 

_ “Deal with those we can save, and let me handle those who can’t” she could still hear the frustration and weariness in Jennie’s voice. Suddenly she looked two years older than she should. _

The scent of death no longer bothered her as much as it did when she was new. For some reason working with the wounded everyday did wonders to her emotions. She had for the past few weeks built a wall around her fragile heart, developed a disconnect between the patient and her. 

“Rosie!” Jisoo was waving at her from the far end portion.

“Hey Jisoo-unnie, what do we have here?”

“I need to run and get some more supplies from the caravan, can you take care of him for me?”

Jisoo motioned for the soldier cradling his arm, giving her a huge grin. 

“Sure, I’ll handle this.” 

Jisoo scurried off, thanking her all throughout. 

“Hey there doc.” He gave her another smile and a wink. “If only I’d known there were a lot of beautiful doctors here.” 

Roseanne rolled her eyes, scoffing. 

He had expressive eyes and his hair was swept to the side. If Rosie was any other nurse in the military she would have swooned, but she wasn’t so she smirks instead. His military jacket was rolled in a ball beside him leaving him with his white shirt on, taut muscles stretching the fabric.

“What happened?” Rosie was preparing the balls of cotton with antiseptic. He had a deep gash on his right shoulder and what Rosie assumes to be a broken arm as well. 

“Shrapnel…” Rosie could hear the slight tinge of pride in his voice.

“And the broken arm?” She dabbed around the wound, watching him as he tried to hide the wince, his eyes barely twitching. 

“Stupidity.”

“Figured that one out.” She answered back curtly, he reminded her so much of Lisa. 

“Well Doc, I pegged you as smart. It doesn’t surprise me.”

“Name?” 

The cut wasn’t as deep as she had thought. The dried blood and dirt that caked it made it look so, Rosie unrolled a fresh batch of bandages and covered the wound. Ensuring the gauze was secure before tying it. 

“Kunpimook Bhuwakul” he admired her handiwork, massaging the tender flesh right beside the wound as he smiled. 

“That sounds exotic.” 

“It’s Thai.” 

Rosie stops midway, eyeing him cautiously. 

“Thai?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“How long have you been deployed?” 

Rosie stops altogether and looks at him, studies him closely as he rubs the back of his neck. Smiling at her, looking childlike.

“Give or take … 7 months?” 

Rosie doesn’t realize she had stopped breathing.

_ It can’t be… this must be coincidence. _

“Hey doc? You all right?”

“Yeah… yeah Im fine.”

There were a lot of Thai soldiers who volunteered, surely it was just coincidence…

“Tell me, do you have a sister?”

“Why the sudden interest?”

“You remind me of someone.”

“I do?” he cocked his eyebrows in amusement. “Well no I don’t. Not blood related anyways…”

Rosie almost chokes.

“Bam Bam?”

Confusion is plastered all over his face.

“How’d you know my nickname?”

Rosie surprised herself, hugging him tight. This was Lisa's brother! She can finally go back to Thailand where it’s safe, just long enough for Rosie to finish off her own deployment.. And…

“Doc? My… my arm it hurts.” 

Rosie lets go and looks away. If anyone saw them they looked like lovers who were reunited amidst the war. 

“Rosie, I go and leave you and I find you hugging some patient of yours?” Lisa’s laugh rang out through the tent.

“Lisa....”

Rosie stands still as Bam Bam’s jaw dropped in surprise.

“Who are you hug--” Lisa peeks behind her and her eyes go wide. “Fucking hell. Bam Bam!?”

She dashes and embraces him in a tight bear hug. Rosie can’t help but laugh at his expression. 

“Yow Lisa… I wasn’t expectin--” He barely finished his sentence when he cried out in pain. Lisa punching his broken arm. 

“What kind of game were you playing at? Huh? You promised to write! I waited five fucking months asshole!” 

“For fucks sake Lisa, calm down. You're being so uncouth, it’s embarrassing to the lady doctor here.” Bam Bam looked as red as a tomato as he tried his best to give rosie an apologetic smile. 

“This lady doctor is a friend of mine and understand my frustration at seeing you again. She knows me being upset is all the more justifiable you ass!”

Lisa gave him another shove, making him wince in pain. 

“Okay Lisa… that’s enough. He’s going to get more than just a broken arm if you keep up at that.”

Rosie held unto Lisa’s shirt, making her back down and look at her with the softest expression.

“Fine, but just because I love you.”

Bam Bam looked at them with a weird expression. Rosie was bracing herself for his reaction, she wasn’t really sure how he’d take the news that his sister was dating another woman. It was a scandal to be seen with a woman intimately let alone being in a relationship with one. Rosie hopes he would take it well, she doesn’t know what to do if Lisa gets broken by his rejection. 

“You rascal!” bam Bam lunges forward and Rosie closes her eyes and anticipates the impact.

_ Nothing… _

She opens her eyes slowly and smiles at the scene. Bam Bam had Lisa in a tight hug. 

“Now I understand why you never found Mingyu handsome, nor gave him the time. You liked girls! And look at her! A doctor and she’s so pretty! Damn! You always get the good ones!”

He hugs her again and laughs. 

“I miss you.” Lisa whispered

“I miss you too Lis.”

“Why don’t I leave you both and let you catch up?” 

Rosie looks at them both with fondness, as they exchange a grin. 

“But please, take it outside, I have more patients I need to deal with,” she smiles at Lisa “and you should be fine, just don’t exert too much effort on your broken arm. I’ll give you something this evening to help with the discomfort and the pain okay?”

“You’re so lucky Lis.” Bam Bam winks at Lisa and heads out. 

Lisa stops for a bit and holds rosie’s hand, stealing a quick kiss on her cheeks.

“Thank you….” her warm breath calms her like it always does. 

“I’ll see you later.”

“Of course love.” 

* * *

Roseanne worked all afternoon inside the tent with Jisoo, ensuring everyone that they were able to patch up were well taken care of. Lisa had asked if she could take the afternoon with Bam Bam, wanting so much to catch up with her brother. Rosie was happy they were reunited. 

She walked back to her room to catch a quick nap before dinner and found Lisa by the door, playing with a loose stone with her feet. 

“Lisa? I thought you were with Bam Bam?”

She gave Rosie a sad smile. 

Roseanne feels a knot in her stomach, and not the good kind. It made her anxious and her palms clammy, a lump forms in her throat. 

“I was, his squadron leader needed to talk to him. Turns out they needed him back in the western front.” Lisa whispers, voice barely audible against the clamor in the camp.

“Oh Lisa… I’m so sorry.” Enveloping the younger girl in a hug, playing with her hair. Knowing fully well it helped calm her down.

“It’s fine love…” There was something in her voice rosie couldn’t identify…

Rosie looks into her eyes, searches for anything that might help her pinpoint whatever it was that was bothering her.

“Are you worried about him?” 

“No, I know Bam Bam’s smart enough to make it out alive.” Lisa pulls away and caresses her cheek. 

“Then what’s wrong?”

“My squads scheduled to go up north by Monday. The KPA’s putting pressure there and we’ve lost a lot of men. They need back up. I don’t know how to tell you… I..”

Rosie pulls her in for a kiss. Something that starts off as desperate, making her hold on to Lisa’s collar and taking in whatever Lisa can offer. She pulls away and curses under her breath before kissing her again softly, biting her lower lip drawing a bit of blood. 

“I don’t know if I should be happy about being deployed because of this or regret it since I won’t be seeing you for a while.” 

“Shut up.”

Rosie closes her eyes, tries to drowns out her beating heart and the thoughts plaguing her every night. 

“I’m sorry… I…”

“Don’t...please don’t”

Rosie breaks down, allowing the tears to fall as Lisa holds her. 

“If only I could love…” 

“Tell them… tell them you’re a woman. They’ll send you back.”

“I can’t… “

“Then what do you want me to do?! Do you expect me to sit here everyday worrying… wondering if you’re alive?! Lisa don’t do this to me. I’ve always put other people's welfare above my own, let me be selfish for once.” 

Lisa says nothing, stays silent as Rosie cries. Cries and seethes with an anger she never knew existed inside of her. 

“Rosie… I’ll come back home to you. I promise. I can’t walk away from something I’ve sworn. Forgive me… I don’t know what I’ll do if you stay mad at me before I leave.”

Rosie whimpers, holds onto Lisa’s back as if her life depended on it. 

“Whatever happens Lisa…. Come back to me.”

She hears Lisa’s chuckle against the night breeze and her own soft sobs. Feels her laugh like a warm salve against her hurting heart. She breathes in the warm honey and lilies that is Lisa’s scent. Breathes it in and commits it to memory. 

_ She never knew being in love was this painful. _


	10. Merry-Go-Rounds and Ferris Wheel Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy carnival date night

_ “Rosie, Rosie, Rosie.” _

_ “Hmmmmm?…” _

_ “Nothing” _

_ “Lisa-yah!” _

_ Her laughter rang out, bouncing off against the walls of her bedroom. _

_ “I love saying your name, love the sound of it on my lips…” _

_ “Dummy…” _

Summer, 1971

Chaeyoung scans the flyer and smiles. Admiring the washed out watercolor used to paint the ferris wheel and the merry-go-round on the brown paper as she reads through the details.

**COUNTRY FAIR NIGHT**

**Enjoy rides and shows with the Wringley Brothers!**

**Saturday**

“Chaeng!” Lisa’s whines made her laugh 

“What?”

“You’ve been ignoring me for the past five minutes…” She gave Chaeyoung the saddest puppy dog eyes and a matching pout to place emphasis on her dilemma. 

Chaeyoung does nothing and ignores the younger girl, making her all the more grumpy. 

“What are you reading anyways?” Lisa reaches out and steals the paper away from her, making Chaeyoung laugh. 

“Are you free this Saturday?” She watches in amusement as the look of frustration on Lisa’s face changes to a look of pure delight. 

_ Beautiful… _

She looks away in time as Lisa gives her the goofiest grin she’d ever seen. She could feel warm tendrils close in on her heart, squeezing tenderly until she finds it hard to breathe without fear of blurting out her emotions to Lisa. 

“Are we going? Really?” She finds it cute as Lisa bounces in place, Chaeyoung swears she can see the whole universe twinkle in her eyes, making her even more beautiful. 

“Only if you want to Lis.” She drawls out the sentence, committing to memory the multitude of emotions that she sees on Lisa’s face.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

Chaeyoung takes every smile, every little nuance and every laugh. Takes it with her and locks it in a very special place in her heart. One where she keeps every little memory safely tucked in, away from her sad bitter reality. One where she knows they’d be safe forever.

“Ya Lalisa! Stop” covering her mouth as she laughs. 

Lisa stops but gives her the warmest smile, enough to send Chaeyoung’s heart into a frenzy of flutters, enough to make her blush. 

* * *

The warm summer night makes Chaeyoung grimace, she knows how much the young Thai hates warm weather. They’ve been walking along the concrete path, the glimmer of lights from the carnival already visible. 

“Chaeng…”

“Hmmm.”

“You’re frowning again.” Lisa holds her hands in hers and squeezes, 

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are.” 

Chaeyoung hears the tinge of sadness in her voice and stops. Looks at Lisa and sees the subtle way she looks away. 

“I’m sorry. I was thinking of how warm it is and how it might make you uncomfortable.”

She read about stories where people talked about how the world and time stops, freezes just long enough for them to realize how beautiful and precious a moment could be. It’s cliche but its true nonetheless. She finds the truth to the saying right at this moment, when Lisa pulls her in a hug, chuckles against her ear and whispers “thank you, you’re always so thoughtful.”

Chaeyoung holds back the urge to hug her back tightly, to bury her head down the crook of Lisa’s neck and the urge to kiss her beneath the silly old moon, right at this moment. Chaeyoung laughs instead, laughs until her heart shrivels in the most painful way. How can Lisa be so near yet oh so far? 

“I don’t want to spend the night listening to you complain about how warm it is!” She lies 

“Ahh! Chaeng! I never knew you were such a bully!”

“Come on… Let’s enjoy the night.”

Chaeyoung pulls her as she sprints, their laughter filling the empty streets. 

* * *

“Lisa, come on.”

She stands by the stall, looking on at Lisa who had a determined look on her face. They were on their way to grab a pair of cotton candy when she saw the red bear, saw it and fell in love with it at first sight. Chaeyoung knew she can never win it though not when she knows she sucks at this game. 

“Just a minute… this won’t take long.”

Lisa talks to the stall owner, paying for one round. He hands her a toy rifle and gives her the rules. 10 shots, 6 toy soldiers and the red bear is hers. 

_ You're such a cute baby. _

Chaeyoung laughs at the awkward way Lisa holds the gun and chuckles even more when she missed the first two shots. 

“Hey, stop laughing.” Lisa frowns. “I’ll win this you’ll see”

Lisa gives her a huge grin and changes her stance, keeping both feet at shoulder length and holding the rifle with as much grace as a veteran soldier. 

_ Where did this sudden burst of confidence come from? _

Chaeyoung looks on in awe as Lisa hits toy soldier after toy soldier, watched as they fell, lost into the pool of fabric at the back of the stall. Each shot making Lisa smile wider and wider. Lisa gives her a wink before pulling the trigger, the sixth toy soldier bouncing off of the wooden stall.

“See? Told you I’d win it.”

Chaeyoung stands there frozen, as Lisa hands over the teddy bear. 

“For you.”

She could feel the flowers inside her heart burst, spreading all over her body. She looks at Lisa, looks at her and knows she’s unable to hide the emotions from spilling. Not when Lisa was smiling at her like this.

“I can’t take that… that’s yours.” She could feel her voice crack.

“Nah… I wanted to win this for you. I noticed how you looked at it longingly everytime we passed by…” Lisa grins and it was more than enough to make her burst into tears. 

“Hey… hey.. Chaeng, what’s wrong? Don’t you like it?”

Lisa runs over to her and hugs her, making her cry even more. 

“No… I… get too …” she hiccups in between sobs “too emotional when I’m happy… and you… you’re”

“The bestest friend you’ve ever had?” She could feel Lisa’s warm breath on her cheeks as she laughed. 

_ I love you…. _

“You’re a dummy!”

Chaeyoung swallows the confession back into her heart. Swallows it and hides it.

“You know a simple thank you would’ve been better.” Chaeyoung regrets it the moment Lisa pulls away. She missed the feeling of Lisa’s arms around her, liked the feeling it gave her of home…

“I didn’t know you were so good at this, you made me believe you sucked.”

Lisa just grins like a highschool boy.

“I didn’t know I was so good at it myself. I guess wanting something so much can make you surprisingly good.”

She holds out the bear, motioning for Chaeyoung to take it. And she does, Chaeyoung takes it and hugs it close to her chest. Maybe if she hugs it close to her heart, Lisa wouldn’t see, wouldn’t know how crazy it was beating for her. 

“Want to get some cotton candy?” 

* * *

They walked side by side, not too close and not too far. Every step in tune with each other as they enjoyed the comfortable silence between them. Chaeyoung loved moments like these. 

“Hey Lisa?”

“Hmmmm….”

“You wanna ride the ferris wheel?” Chaeyoung takes a quick peek and doesn’t miss the quick smile on her face. 

“I never knew you’d ask!” Lisa holds her hand and pulls her to the ticket booth. 

“Ticket for two please.” Lisa’s happiness was contagious and the ticket booth seller was no exception as he laughed at the adorable way Lisa was jumping up and down the moment he gave her the tickets and ushered them to the car. 

“Ready?” 

Chaeyoung nods.

Lisa holds her hand so gently in her own, looking back at her with such tenderness it made Chaeyoung blush as she leads her to the seat. 

“Alright girls, enjoy the ride.”

Chaeyoung feels the ride start, feels the car rock back and forth slightly. For a second her heart’s flooded with fear, disappearing as soon as she felt Lisa squeeze her hand in assurance. 

“I’m here, you’re going to be alright.” Lisa’s smile chases away the panic.

The night looked beautiful. 

_ Lisa looks beautiful. _

Chaeyoung can’t stop herself from staring at her. Moonlight making her glow, the little lights on the car’s roof covered her in a soft yellow hue. Lisa was looking at the view below, and Chaeyoung found it entrancing. She commits every little smile, the way Lisa’s eyes widen in awe and the way she grips Chaeyoung’s hand tightly whenever she gets too excited. Chaeyoung commits it all to memory and allows it to warm her heart, allows the moment to take over her making her lean and place a quick gentle kiss on Lisa’s cheek.

Chaeyoung doesn’t miss the quick look of surprise on Lisa’s face. Quickly replaced with a soft smile and a questioning look. 

“What was that for?”

Chaeyoung laughs the embarrassment away and shrugs her shoulders, ignoring Lisa as she played with the red bear on her lap.

“Ah Park Chaeyoung! You’re ignoring me! No fair!” 

Lisa’s short burst of frustration made the car rock a little too hard.

“Stop that Lisa, it’s scaring me…”

Lisa pouts and looks away, making Chaeyoung chuckle. 

“I’m not talking to you until you tell me what that kiss was for.” She knew Lisa was teasing her. She could hear it in the subtle way Lisa’s voice squeaked. 

“Can’t I kiss my best friend ‘thank you?’” Chaeyoung chuckles, it was sort of the truth anyways.

“That means you’re enjoying this with me then?” Lisa looks back and grins.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have asked you to spend the night with me if I didn’t enjoy your company.”She inches closer and rests her head on Lisa’s shoulder. 

“I’m glad..”

Chaeyoung had her eyes closed and heard something else in Lisa’s voice she can’t identify…

“I’m glad you spent this night with me…”

Chaeyoung doesn’t answer, instead moves closer and hugs Lisa, setting the bear in between them.

* * *

“Chaeyoung! I might act like a kid sometimes but....”

“But what? You’re ashamed of going on this ride with me?”

“No! Not that…”

Chaeyoung enjoyed the look of embarrassment on Lisa’s face and the awkward way she stood. She always enjoyed riding the merry-go-round when she was a kid with her sister and the sudden urge to ride one now made her giddy.

“Come on Lisa… please?”

“It’s all kids on this ride.” Lisa answers back, her voice so low Chaeyoung barely heard it. 

“So? Lisaaa-yaaaa please.” She put on her best pouty face and begged, hoping it was enough to sway Lisa into riding with her. 

“Ahhhhh.. Fine.. “ Lisa drags her over to the ticket booth, a grimace on her face as a kid not older than six in front of the line looked up at her with questioning eyes. 

“Ticket for two…” 

Chaeyoung could see Lisa avoid the ticket sellers eyes when he handed her their tickets, making Chaeyoung chuckle. 

Lisa looked like she’d melt from the embarrassment, but smiles at her anyway. 

“You owe me for this Chaeng.” 

Chaeyoung takes the lead and rides the golden horse with the pretty red saddle, leaving Lisa to take the white one beside her. 

“Thank you…”

Lisa laughs and holds onto the rod as the ride begins, slowly at first before gaining a bit of speed. 

Chaeyoung hugs the bear close to her as they go around in circles, flow of laughter from the children with them making her smile. The horses went up and down along the way. She looked at Lisa and saw her with a look she can’t read, as she turned away in time Chaeyoung gave her a smile. 

_ Round and round we go, round and round my heart spins for you. _

The thought gets lost in the moment, as Chaeyoung smiles at Lisa’s laughter in the night.

_ Round and round _

_ Merrily I find myself loving you more and more Lisa. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was really really sad at all of the tweets I saw yesterday... Rosie is such a sweet sweet person and deserves everything good in this world 
> 
> A fluffy chapter to drive away the sadness for my hardworking chipmunk.


	11. Promise me

_ “I’d die for you.” Lisa’s voice broke _

_ “And I’d live for you…” Chaeyoung whispered  _

**Spring, 1562**

Chaeyoung weaved through the packed streets of the village, hiding beneath the shadows cast by the afternoon sun. She skipped through little puddles, little impressions on the wet soggy earth caking her sandals with mud. She was careful not to stain the ends of her chima, as she held onto the cloth covering her face, preventing people she bumped into from seeing her tear stained eyes. 

_ She heard the news from the village gossip. _

_ Hearing it for the first time made her scoff, surely it was just made up stories… something to keep the village gossipers busy for the day. She wished it was just that.  _

_ Morning lost it’s golden hue when Jisoo came running, breathless and winded. Unable to look into her eyes when she told her the truth. She heard the ceramic vase cracking against her shop’s wooden floor before she felt the sting of it’s jagged pieces on her feet. Her heart quivered, quivered in the most painful of ways. She squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling, but how could she? When the tears were all she had right now? Tears to help her from seeing black and hues of gray and blue, tears to keep the pain at bay, tears that screamed “why?” when all she wanted to hear was her denial of the truth. Anything, anything to tell her this wasn’t happening. But it wasn’t enough to prevent her from running off without an explanation from her village stall to the confines of her small, dingy hut.  _

_ Chaeyoung knew. Knew that this would happen, so she allows herself to drown in the never ending darkness that was taking over the sunshine in her heart. She gasps for air in between sobs, helping her keep afloat.  _

_ Is this how heartbreak felt like? A searing pain through her chest, spreading, consuming her body? Is this how it felt like? To live for someone, someone who can never be fully hers? Smothering, burning, her heartstrings tearing apart? Is this how love truly felt like?  _

* * *

Chaeyoung walked faster as she neared the end of their village, taking off the cloth as the only thing keeping her company were the trees and patches of grass in between.  _ No use hiding when there’s no one to hide from.  _ She took off in a sprint as she saw the forest edge, footsteps in tune to her heartbeat. 

She stopped only when she saw the clearing, little patches of light seeped through the cracks in between the leaves of the trees. 

She slowed her pace, taking in huge gulps of air to calm herself. Enough to steady her shaking hands. 

The first thing Chaeyoung saw was her smile, her smile that for years drove away the darkness that shrouded them. Now it did nothing but made her choke on the sadness in her wanting to break free. 

“Chaeng…” her voice felt like ice on her skin. 

Chaeyoung stayed silent and unmoving. Much like what she had hoped her heart would be. She’d take death over this, idiotic?… Yes. But isn’t that what love does? Make people so blind from the truth...from what should be right? Make them make stupid choices and for what? 

“I can explain everything….” She looked at Chaeyoung with the same sadness pooling in her eyes. 

Chaeyoung only nodded, for fear she’d say things she’d regret if she did.

“Father has made the arrangements prior to me knowing. Chaeng, believe me... I was left in the dark and was only told about it yesterday. You know how I never have any say in what happens in my life, you understand how filial duties work. Please, forgive me..” Lisa pleaded, trying to reach out for her hand. 

Chaeyoung felt empty, she was so empty she no longer had tears to cry. 

“Chaeng, please… This is not how I wanted things to end between us.”

“I never wanted things to end, and maybe… maybe it was foolish of me to think so.”

Lisa stops, Chaeyoung knew her so well she could see the hesitance in the subtle way her breath hitched. Saw the myriad of emotions on her face before it was replaced with a sad smile. 

“Maybe we were foolish then… “

“Maybe we’re still foolish now.”

She sat on a fallen tree trunk so overrun by weeds and moss that it looked green when it should have been brown. She no longer cared if it stained her chima, she no longer cared…

Lisa dropped to her knees and held her hands, Lisa’s trembling hands encasing her own in this cold cocoon. Cold, listless and eyes searching for anything in Chaeyoung’s own expressionless ones. Anything that could save whatever they had left between them.

“Maybe we are…” There was a certain sadness, a certain longing in her voice. “Maybe Chaeng. But we knew even before… knew that  _ maybe  _ is all that we’ll ever be. You know how this is frowned upon…” She took Chaeyoung’s hand and kissed her knuckles, kissed it so gently Chaeyoung barely felt Lisa’s lips. “What we have can never be... and it hurts even more knowing that I will hurt you most.”

Chaeyoung instinctively wiped Lisa’s tears away, her skin felt hot against her cold hands. Caressed her face and pulled her in, kissing away stray tears that escaped. 

“Lisa… why let what people around us dictate your happiness? Why let society cage you in sadness? Let you throw away things that make you happy? Make you  _ you?”  _ Chaeyoung whispered against her cheek. “Why do you choose to give up on what you want?”

Lisa’s laughter coiled around her aching heart, suffocating her even more. 

“Because Chaeng we crave things we can never have… and need things we’ll never want. It’s … human nature after all.”

_ Drip… _

_ She could feel her heart bleed with every word. _

“You make it sound like you loving me was all just a game to you.” She moved away, she couldn’t stand being that close to Lisa. Being that close and yet so far away…

“Forgive me, I never meant it like that…” she heard Lisa’s voice hitch in frustration. “What I meant was… I can never have you no matter how much I want to… I’d rather marry him than see you killed as punishment for this…” Lisa leaned in to kiss her cheek. Setting her skin on fire, and slowly giving back warmth to her heart. 

“But seeing you with him, knowing he’ll have you forever, be with you every night to warm your bed, know he’ll wake up to your smile..” Chaeyoung felt the pain all too much, it was making her wince. “Knowing all that kills me Lisa. Kills me inside and will kill me until I die.”

Lisa moves to embrace her, it does nothing to chase the pain away. 

“Chaeng, forgive me…” Lisa’s whisper gets lost in the wave of nausea she felt “If Abanim finds out, I can’t risk losing you. I’ll gladly bear the consequences, just… not you… never you.”

“Do you think of me selfish?”

Lisa doesn’t answer, instead Chaeyoung finds Lisa’s lips on her own. It was short yet so full of love it made her long for more. 

“Is it selfish of me to beg you to stay in this moment with me, even if it’s just for a moment longer? Stay with me beneath the sky and love me just for today. We can say goodbye tomorrow, just give me today…”

Lisa cries, and it hurt Chaeyoung even more to hear her do so. 

“Run away with me Lisa. Run away with me…”

Lisa doesn’t answer so she pushes on.

“Meet me the night before your wedding here. I’ll have everything ready. We’ll run away as far as we can, beyond the mountains where no one knows us.”

Lisa nods and cries and laughs at the same time.

“Let’s run away where your father can never find us, and we can be ourselves. Love as freely and as much as we crave.”

“Yes…”

“Promise me?”

“I promise..”

And for the longest time, Chaeyoung felt the pain slowly ebbing away.


	12. This is not Goodbye

_ “You promised…” _

_ “I did.” Lisa looked away to keep her heart from breaking further _

_ “No, I take that back…” Rosie breathes in the taste of bitterness in the words to follow _

_ “You lied.” she says, straightforward without any hint of sympathy. “You fucking lied to me Lisa.”  _

**Spring 1562**

Chaeyoung looks around in the same clearing, finding signs of her lover. The moon has dipped far into the creases of the mountain ridges in the far north, bathing everything with a still darkness that made her ears ring and her breathing more pronounced in the air. 

_ Where was Lisa?  _

She heaves the heavy sack she was carrying on her shoulder to keep it from spilling. She thought about bringing just the necessities but she has to be sure that both of them make it, beyond the mountains, into the world and into what she hopes to be the real beginning of their lives. And so Chaeyoung brings along everything she thinks might be helpful making her pant beneath the weight,  _ this will be worth it,  _ she knows and she hopes. 

She sits down on the same fallen tree trunk they met that afternoon, dropping the sack softly onto the blades of grass. Trying to figure out a way to keep herself from thinking about what could be and what might happen -- because if she starts to, Chaeyoung knows she’ll think of nothing else but the worse. 

She hears rustling in the far right and instinctively jumps to her feet, picking up the sack and hugging it close to her chest. Your regular flight or fight response except Chaeyoung doesn’t have the privilege to fight, not when she knows she needs to see Lisa and escape along with her. 

“Chaeng?” her voice drifted in from the leaves and Chaeyoung instinctively relaxes, letting out a sigh of relief that made the quivering in her chest.

“I’m here…” She whispers back. She knows deep down they were alone and she need not whisper, but there was a certain intimacy in the action -- something about it was soft and made Chaeyoung think of the days to come. 

Lisa appears from the darkness of the trees and finds her way towards Chaeyoung, she had the warmest smile on her lips and it makes her look more innocent. Chaeyoung can’t help but chuckle, Lisa had some leaves stuck in her hair along with the ornaments that kept it in place; family heirlooms that were passed down from generation to generation -- Chaeyoung thinks, a reminder of what their life used to be. 

“Have you been waiting for long?” She fell into Chaeyoung’s embrace, burying her face against the crook of her neck. 

“Not quite… how are you?” 

The question was left unanswered, as they stood there beneath the moonlight. There was something off in the embrace, it was… tighter, more desperate in a sense. Chaeyoung tried to disregard the weird way it found its way wrapping her heart, suffocating it in a dread she can’t seem to shake off. 

“Love?”

“Yes?” came Lisa’s muted reply, it was nothing more but a breath that got lost in the night wind. 

“Is anything the matter?” Chaeyoung whispered against her hair, the scent of lilies making her think of all her midnight rendezvous from before. 

“Nothing love…” There it was again, it was what Chaeyoung thinks…something tittering along the edges of a silent, muted fear and it was beginning to become more and more pronounced. A heaviness in the air that was stifling. “We should go…” 

Lisa held her by the wrist and pulled gently, towards the forest. 

“Come.” 

Chaeyoung does nothing but follow. 

_ She will, always and forever… be pulled towards her love, her midnight star…  _

* * *

Chaeyoung tries to make the atmosphere light, they were far into the forest everything was tinged with a midnight blue that made the walk difficult. She took the lead, careful to make sure Lisa doesn’t trip along pebbles and tree roots. 

“Here love, take my hand. There’s a stone here… yes, to your right. There…” 

Lisa chuckles, pointing out how tender Chaeyoung was. As if Lisa was one of the many potteries she made during the day. Fragile. 

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know.” 

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’m following right behind.”

“I know love.” 

“No… trust me Chaeng,” Lisa whispers, making her stop. “I can take care of myself too. I want to, I want to be able to take care of you too.” 

Why was she suddenly overcome with a sense of pride and sadness? At that thought? Chaeyoung turns around to plant a quick kiss on her lips and to gaze into her eyes that were teeming with a muted confusion and …. If Chaeyoung looked deeply enough -- a hint of fear. 

“You are. You take care of my heart, my love.” Chaeyoung looks closer, tracing the pale silver line of the moonlight that fell on her cheeks down to the sides of her lips with her eyes. Slowly, trying to memorize her features all over again, because Chaeyoung knows if she was given another chance. She will, again and again. Memorize every curve, every line, the way her eyes would drop from embarrassment, the way her nose would wrinkle when she laughed too much. It was inevitable. To fall in love with her, when she embodied the universe, there… right now, in her arms. “You always do, but for now let me okay? When we reach the mountains I’ll let you.” 

Lisa nods, understands the need to leave the place as soon as they are able to. Judging from the position of the moon in the sky, it would only be a matter of time before Lisa’s father notices her daughter has run away. 

They walked faster, deeper into the woods and hoping to reach the end of it come morning. Chaeyoung takes another glance back at her lover and feels the same dread -- only this time… she knows. She knows something will happen. 

* * *

Chaeyoung doesn’t understand, can’t seem to grasp the look on Lisa’s face. She reaches up to cup it, sees her hand shaking as she draws an equally shaky breath. Lisa’s tears felt warm to the touch, warm against the growing cold that was beginning to take hold of her entire being. She tries to think where it all fell astray… They were running in the thick of the trees one moment, deeper into the darkest part of the forest, only to be overrun by a horse and a palace guard that had an apathetic look on his face, overcast with the orange hues from the torch in his hands. 

_ “Agasshi…” his voice was solemn, cutting through the stillness that enveloped them three.  _

_ Lisa held onto Chaeyoung’s arms, dragging her behind her and keeping her away from the soldiers steady gaze.  _

_ “Joon-woo… I’ll come along with you, please… don’t, don’t do anything to her.”  _

_ Joon-woo says nothing in return, his gaze was cold and it made Chaeyoung’s pride prickle, the need to keep Lisa was eating at her from the inside and the stubbornness inside her was wanting to drag Lisa away, run away, away from his knowing gaze.  _

_ “I’m sorry Agasshi…” he drops from the horse and walks towards them slowly, calculated steps that were in sync with the heavy heartbeats that thumped against her chest. “Your father has given specific instructions…” _

_ “Please Joon-woo, father will never know of this. I will make sure of it. Just let Chaeyoung go, I’ll go with you.” _

_ “Agasshi… I have known you since you were a child.” He stops, a mere arms length from the both of them, his voice and features unmoving like the rocks. “You have always been the type of daughter that every father wishes for, and this…”  _

_ “Please Joo--”  _

_ He held his hand up, the one with the torch and Chaeyoung sees something else, brewing in his eyes against the light… understanding?  _

_ “Agasshi, allow me?” He continues, taking his other hand away from the hilt of his sword and smiling, a sad line that cuts through the roughness of his features. “This is something, every father will be .. disappointed of, but, I’ve seen how unhappy you’ve been in the palace for years now. Every year the light inside your eyes grows dim. Go. Go and never come back. I will hold off the others…” _

_ “Joo...Joon woo?”  _

_ “I know. Young love.” His gaze fell on Chaeyoung and tried to give her the same warm smile. “Go child, before they catch up.”  _

_ Lisa nods and takes a step forward, contemplating if the circumstances will allow her to give the soldier a hug. Stops midway and smiles instead.  _

_ “Thank you….” _

_ “Now go!”  _

Lisa slowed down as she felt the blood seep against her clothes. Chaeyoung could see the panic building inside her, filling her innocent eyes with the kind of pain that made her breathing even more difficult. She reaches out and pulls her in an embrace, her back against a tree trunk. Sinking into the grass that was beginning to catch morning dew. 

Chaeyoung could see her thoughts and knew that she was praying the blood on her chima was her own. Chaeyoung could only smile at this, thanking whoever it was listening above that it was hers and not Lisa’s. It could never be Lisa’s, not when Chaeyoung had hoped she’d live on and make the best out of her life, for her… If Lisa finds the thought of living on for herself too unbearable. 

She could feel herself slipping away slowly, becoming more and more fragile. Her heart fell, seeing the blood on Lisa’s robes and trying to search for Lisa’s eyes instead, smiling. Anything to keep her lover from spiraling down into a darkness she never wants her to be consumed by. 

Nesting in closer to Lisa’s chest, grabbing a handful of her clothes, she looked up with nothing but pure happiness in her eyes, smiling despite the pain. 

“It’s okay love… it’s okay.” her voice was hoarse and weak. 

“I’d die for you.” Lisa’s voice broke. 

“And I’d live for you…” She whispered back. 

“Please… Chaeng, stay with me….” Lisa pleads. 

“Till the end love… till we meet again… maybe, someday…” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo It's been quite a loooong while hehe  
Hope you guys enjoy, have a wonderful day everyone. :)


	13. I miss you, terribly so

_ “Do you --” _

_ “Yes, with all that I have… yes” _

_ “Then… Stay.” _

**Winter, 1950**

Lisa groaned from the weight of the US-issued rifle, hoisting it uncomfortably close while trying not to trip over bodies and loose rocks. 

“Fall back! Fall back!”

She hears nothing but the sickening dull thud of bullets to the flesh and the screams of soldiers around her, not really caring for the stinging pain on her ankles as her boots dug through the tender skin, almost slipping on the muddy terrain. 

She jumps into a trench along with others where she scrambles into position behind sandbags used as parapets; something she thinks were not much cover against the enemies artillery, but what choice do they have in instances like these?  _ Nothing.  _ Lisa tries to steady her shaking hands and pulls back the safety clip of her rifle and begins to fire aimlessly towards the enemy lines. She doesn’t really know if she’s hitting anything or anyone at this point, she doesn’t know much if she’s doing the right thing, all she knows is she has to come home alive… 

_ She has to come back to Rosie. She has to come home, has to… survive. _

The ground shakes and there’s dirt and rocks thrown everywhere, Lisa pulls away and holds on to her helmet as the enemy fires another wave of tank assaults into their lanes. She barely hears the barrage of commands from her regiment’s colonel. 

“Fuck!” she mutters under her breath, trying to work her way away from the sides. 

“Manoban!” 

Lisa turns towards the voice and sees him huddled against the wall of the trench, wincing from a wound on his shoulder that was bleeding. 

“Hao!” 

She doesn't know how she manages to rip through his military jacket, pooling the torn fabric in her hands and pushing it against the gash on his shoulder.

“Here, hold on to it like this, we… we need to get the bleeding to stop.”

“Manoban, I don’t think…”

“Shut up, it’s just a flesh wound. Irene will patch you up tonight. We just need to keep it from bleeding out, okay?”

She looked into his eyes and smiled, anything at this point to keep him from panicking. 

“Something your girlfriend taught you huh?” he managed to whisper back, “You’re a lucky asshole you know that, right?”

Lisa laughs at the banter and nods, ruffling his hair and patting his clammy cheeks gently, almost as if she’s caressing them. 

“I know.” She grins and wraps a handkerchief she finds in one of his jacket pockets, keeping the wound from being infected with debris. 

“Hey…” his voice shook, and Lisa tried not to falter as she worked on tying the makeshift bandage around his shoulders, “thank you… I… I owe you my life.” 

Lisa was about to answer that it was fine and that it was their oath to take care of each other as comrades in the war field, when the ground shook and everything around them darkened as another wave of attacks covered the skies above them. 

“I have your back if you have mine.” Lisa manages to whisper back while they take cover,

“I swear…”

* * *

It was dusk and both sides have had an unspoken agreement of a truce come evening, where they take care of the wounded and check to see how much damage the opposing side has done to the other. 

Most of them were huddled by the campfire, it would be another night spent in the defensive trenches. It was a precautionary move Col. Jeon thought was best, given how much he detest and doesn’t trust the Communists and Lisa thinks it’s the best idea he has ever had so far. If only Lisa could find it in herself to join them. She finds a vacant nook by the far off end, away from the rowdiness of the other soldiers and settles on a blanket she keeps inside her backpack, pooling her jacket into a lump; a makeshift pillow she’d nuzzle into to rest. She knows she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Not when it’s the third day where they’ve been constantly bombarded by air strikes and showers of bullets from the KPA. 

She reaches into the little pocket she sewed into her jacket and takes out a photograph she keeps close to her heart, there was a distinct fold in the middle and blotches of brown here and there making it more faded than it used to be when it was given to her but she finds the smile on Rosie’s face brighter than the moon and the stars combined.  _ Sunshine….  _ Lisa tries straightening the edges, carefully running her fingers, tracing Rosie’s features. 

“I’ll come home love, I promise…” Lisa whispers out into the night, committing every part of her into memory. She plants a soft kiss on the photo, out of instinct or primal fear at the thought of never seeing her again. “Wait for me.” 

“Hey Manoban! The letters are here!” 

Lisa folds the picture and keeps it in her pocket, keeping it safe from prying eyes. She manages to, in time for Hao to plop himself beside her, holding out a paper and a tin can. 

“How’s the shoulder?”

“It stings, but it’s better. Joohyun says it’s good you were able to get it to stop or I wouldn’t be here right now from blood loss, thanks man.” 

He nudges her on the shoulder with his own and runs his fingers through his greasy hair. It’s been awhile since they’ve had any chance at a shower and it was honestly something they weren’t bothered with at the moment. Not when most of them were killed everyday; showering was the last thing in their mind. She knows Hao doesn’t have any idea that she was parading as a woman shoulder and she wanted to keep it that way, even though a huge part of her wanted so much to confide in another soul. 

“It’s nothing, I know you’d do the same thing for me.” She manages to smile back at him a little crookedly, eyeing which to open first… the letter in her hands or the MCI ration she had tucked between her legs. 

“For sure!” He was surprisingly in a good mood and Lisa can’t help but chuckle as he punched the air in gusto, adding in awkwardly, “Except I have no idea what to do…” 

“It’ll come to you when it happens, don’t worry.” 

He nods and gives her another smile, one that makes his eyes disappear into slits and for a minute makes him look more like his Chinese father. He motions for the letter with a knowing look, “you gon’ read that soon?” 

Lisa hesitates, holding onto the letter a little more forcefully than intended. She finds comfort whenever she reads Rosie’s letters and she wonders if it was rude to ask Hao to leave when she does. 

“Look, I can go and leave you to do it alone man. I know how intimate that can be….” He had a boyish grin on his face that made Lisa blush. 

"What? No! Rosie isn't like that! What do you--" 

"Woah… woah… relax… I know, I just meant that it can be rather special and private to read a letter from someone who… means a lot to you and that makes it intimate." 

Lisa looks at the letter briefly, something to tell herself that it was real, smooth paper in coarse hands that tells her she's still alive. 

"Yeah… she…she means a lot to me."

It was  _ almost _ the truth, almost what she wants the world to know. 

"You can say it, I wouldn't judge …" 

Lisa looks up and meets his eyes, she sees understanding and a smile breaks free across her face and a want to pull him in a tight hug. 

"I love her…" 

He laughs out loud, nodding along, finally settling on a grin and saying a soft "yes, you do." 

"Say Hao, would you join me for dinner?" Lisa pats the loose earth beside her and works on opening her can of ration. 

"As long as you give me more of that God awful plum jam…"

Lisa chuckles and nods, "sure… I never liked Western food anyways." 

"If only the Americans gave us more of that mutton soup in those bigger ration packs." 

"We ran out of those...two days ago?" 

* * *

The rest of the night flew by rather peacefully, with them joking about rations and figuring out how to better survive if needed. Hao promised her, he'll make sure they both got home safe and left her when most of the regiment were asleep. Bidding her a good night's sleep. 

Lisa settled on the makeshift pillow, taking the letter out and holding it against the moonlight. She takes out the piece of cigarette that comes with their rations and lights it. She inhales a deep drag and almost choking on the smoke and taste of nicotine in her mouth. 

_ Lisa took a long deep drag from the newly lit cigarette, filling her lungs with nicotine stained smoke calming the nervous flutter in her chest. _

_ “I didn’t know you smoked.” there wasn’t any judgement in her tone, just curiosity. _

_ “I don’t” _

_ “Lisa you’re shaking.” Her soft voice enveloped her in a warm embrace, enough to drive away her worries and the frigid winter air. _

_ “I am?” _

_ Lisa looks at her and bites back a sob.  _

_ “You are…” _

_ Rosie pulls her in an embrace that makes her smile, makes her forget of the soon to be parting and the fears that plague her each night. She feels Rosie draw small circles on the dip of her back and she forgets the cigarette altogether, allowing it to fall from her hand into the snow. She cups Rosie’s face, tracing her bottom lip with her thumbs before leaning in to kiss her.  _

_ She doesn’t know how to describe it; it’s beautiful and scary at the same time, to hold so much love for her. _

_ “Rosie?” _

_ “Hmmmm”  _

_ Lisa loves listening to her soft hum, loves how she slowly opens her eyes and looks at her like there’s nothing else around them but just Lisa in her eyes.  _

_ “I love you.”  _

_ Rosie chuckles softly, moving her hands to hold on to the back of Lisa’s neck, making Lisa shudder at the warmth it brought. Pulling her, as she grazes the tips of her nose against Lisa’s lips.  _

_ “I love you,” she whispers back, “I love you so much it hurts.”  _

_ Before she could answer, she’s pulled back into another kiss that makes her think of nothing else but of Rosie.  _

Lisa shakes away the memory, throwing the half finished cigarette into the damp earth and shudders not at the cold biting air but at the longing she feels in her heart. She opens the letter gently, careful not to tear any of the edges while doing so. It smelled of her perfume and for a minute Lisa keeps it near her lips, kissing the places she knows Rosie has run her fingers against, filling her lungs with her scent. 

_ Dearest,  _

_ How are -- _

_ No… that was stupid of me to ask. I … I know you’re probably not but … I’m hoping you are. I’m hoping you’re reading this and that it brings a smile to your face at the very least, that it brings you comfort. It’s nothing much, I know… but it’s all I have that the world will allow me to give you. Words on paper.. Words on goddamn paper that I have no idea if it’ll reach you or not. It’s incredibly stupid of me, to have ever let you go. I … I wish you were here with me. I’d give anything to feel your warmth right now, to have you sleep beside me.. To have… you. Just you. You you you. I want you Lisa. I need you. Come home.  _

_ Love, _

_ Your Rosie  _

Lisa reads through it thrice, finding the letter written a little too hastily, most of the letters washed out with what she figures were tears. It’s hurting her now, how much Rosie’s hurting without her. She takes a scrunched up paper she keeps with Rosies letter and a pencil that’s been reduced to the size of her pinky. She moves closer to where the moonlight was brighter.

_ My Rosie,  _

_ I don’t know if you’ve received any of the letters I’ve sent out since we’ve been pushed close towards the border here at the North. My love, I miss you terribly so. There isn’t a day or night that passes by where I dont long to see your smile and your kind eyes, your gentleness and your love. I’ll come home to you. I promise. We’ll go home to your country and we’ll be far away from things that hurt. I promise. Promise me you’ll wait for me too? Someday… Someday I’ll be by your side again.  _

_ With love,  _

_ Lisa  _

_ I love you.  _

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone for long.


End file.
